Many of us believe we are the result of our past. We say things like, “I’m like this because of what happened to me.” But in The Courage to Be Disliked, the authors challenge this idea.They say: you are not determined by your past. You are shaped by the choices you make now.Yes, the past may have left scars. Yes, it influenced how you think and feel. But it doesn’t have the power to decide your future unless you let it.You are not your mistakes.You are not your pain.You are not stuck.

Change yourself to be happy

We’re wired for connection. It’s through relationships—family, friends, even brief encounters—that we find joy, purpose, and meaning.So how do we build deep, fulfilling bonds? Start with three simple habits:1. Embrace yourself: Don’t hide your flaws out of fear. We’re all imperfect—and that’s human. When you accept yourself as you are and keep growing, confidence follows. And confidence invites connection.

Good relationships are key to a good life

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga offers a transformative perspective on happiness and self-empowerment.Through a philosophical dialogue, the book challenges the conventional belief that our happiness depends on others' approval or past experiences.Instead, it emphasizes the importance of living authentically, making conscious choices, and taking responsibility for our own lives.It inspires readers to embrace their true selves and live with courage, free from societal pressures and limiting beliefs.

Introduction

Imagine always wanting to be a painter, but staying in a corporate job because it’s seen as “successful.” You might never feel fulfilled. But by following your passion, you might discover joy you never knew was possible.Real happiness isn’t just about chasing goals; it’s about enjoying the present moment too. Yes, keep working toward your dreams, but don’t forget to appreciate where you are today.So, the secret to fulfillment? Be yourself, pursue your dreams, and embrace the present. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. A life lived authentically is a life full of joy and meaning.

Happiness is a state of being, not a destination.It comes from being true to yourself and living by your values, not seeking approval from others.The key is choice—you can choose your attitude, actions, and how you respond to life. The courage to be disliked is about embracing authenticity, rejecting societal pressures, and living for yourself.It’s not always easy, but with self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-improvement, you can live a life full of purpose, meaning, and true happiness.

Conclusion

Having the courage to be disliked is about staying true to yourself, even when others don’t approve. You don’t need to twist yourself into who they want you to be.Love painting, even if your friends don’t get it? Keep painting. Their raised eyebrows aren’t your problem.When you dare to be real, you attract real connections—people who accept you for you. That’s where true happiness lives.Remember, you can’t please everyone. But you can choose to please yourself, live honestly, and grow stronger every time you do.

Often, we chase an ideal version of ourselves—flawless, successful, admired. But that version doesn’t exist.When we fall short, we feel like failures. But real peace comes from accepting who we are now—strengths, flaws, and all—and growing in ways that truly matter to us.You are not here to impress. You are here to live.When you let go of comparison and choose to grow for your own sake, that’s when happiness begins.

Picture a young man trying to please everyone—his parents, teachers, friends. He pushes himself to be the best, constantly comparing, constantly feeling not enough. The pressure is crushing, and joy feels out of reach.But what if he stopped chasing approval and started living for himself? This doesn’t mean ignoring others or being selfishIt means setting his own goals, choosing his own path, and deciding what success means on his own terms.You don’t have to compete with anyone. You don’t need to meet society’s idea of “perfect.”You just need to be you!

Live for yourself to find happiness

2. Choose to trust: Fear of betrayal is real, but so is the power of trust. Believe in people’s goodness until proven otherwise. Trust opens doors; fear keeps them shut.3. Give generously: True fulfillment isn’t just in what we receive, but in what we give. A kind word, a helping hand, or just being present can change someone’s day—and your own.Great relationships start with you. Accept yourself, trust a little more, and give with heart. That’s how we build a life full of connection and happiness.

Imagine carrying around a heavy bag filled with all your old stories—failures, regrets, disappointments. You’ve gotten used to the weight. But what if you could put that bag down? What if you could say, “That was part of my journey, but it’s not the whole story”?Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means choosing to move forward. It means saying, “I get to decide who I become.”You can’t change the past, but you can change the meaning you give it. And with that, you can change your life.

Some people live inside their past wounds. They say, “Because I was hurt before, I can’t move forward.” But healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means choosing to grow anyway.We all have a comfort zone. It feels safe, predictable. But true growth only happens when we step beyond it. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it’s risky. But that’s where the magic is—where we meet our courage, our potential, our joy.The key is balance. Feel your emotions, don’t fight them—but don’t hand them the steering wheel. You are more than your fear, and your past.Take a leap to become who you truly want to be!

Imagine living in a world where society tells you what job to have, how to look, and even how to act. It's like wearing a mask that others gave you.Over time, you forget who you truly are and what you really want. This often leads to dissatisfaction, because you're not being your authentic self.But what if you had the courage to take off that mask and be you?Being true to yourself means accepting who you are, flaws and all, and chasing your dreams—even if they don't fit into society's expectations.

Be yourself and follow your dreams for fulfillment

Imagine a friend criticizes your choices. It stings—you start doubting yourself.But what if you didn’t have to let their words control how you feel? What if their opinion was just that—an opinion—and not a verdict on your worth?This doesn’t mean ignoring feedback. It means recognizing that you choose how much power others’ words have over you. Criticism can break you—or it can help you grow. You decide.

You decide how much people affect you

Imagine standing at the edge of a cliff. Below is deep, cool water. Part of you wants to leap. But another part holds back. Fear whispers, What if I fall? That moment of hesitation—stuck between safety and possibility—is exactly how we often let emotions control our lives.Emotions matter. They help us understand what we need and what we care about. But problems begin when we let feelings decide everything. “I’m too scared.” “I’m still hurt.” “What if I fail?” These thoughts feel real—but they can become excuses that keep us stuck.

Don't let your emotions rule you

Explore a revolutionary Japanese philosophy that guides you how to break free the chains of societal expectations, embrace your individuality, and find true happiness.

A single book can change your life. Already an enormous bestseller in Asia, with more than 3 million copies sold, The Courage to be Disliked demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, it follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own lives, free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that's deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefited from its wisdom. Now that The Courage to be Disliked has been published for the first time in English, so can you

philosophy

Philosophy

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mindfulness

Mindfulness

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

books

Books

Ichiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University. He presently teaches educational psychology and clinical psychology at Meiji School of Oriental Medicine in Suita, Osaka. Kishimi now has his own private counseling office in Kameoka, Kyoto, and devotes his time to giving lectures on Adlerian Psychology and child education.

Ichiro Kishimi

Fumitake Koga is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Fumitake Koga has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Fumitake Koga's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Similar ideasundefined

Learn to say "No"

How To Apply Negative Capability

Control your Smartphone