Bestowing pity

Both the pity-bearing and sympathetic person will recognize our troubles; they both may say 'poor you.' But the pity bearing person does something cruel by implying that the mess we're in is only ours. They must remind us of the distinctiveness of our situation and keep us at arm's length.

Good friends are reassuring. They don't just flatter - they understand how easily we lose perspective, panic and underestimate our own abilities.

Sometimes, they get us to laugh at ourselves when we would be inclined to indulge in self-pity or rage.

We normally don't notice ourselves wanting far too much when it comes to admiration, money, acclaim. It happens - as it tend to with sins - slowly and inperceptibly. Because when we are proud, we stop noticing how we humiliate others. Then there's no wonder why we build u...