The wound is the place where the Light enters you.

We’ve been conditioned to see positivity as the ultimate solution, a virtue that shields us from life’s chaos. But relentless optimism often dismisses reality. Grief, loss, and change demand acknowledgment, not avoidance. True growth comes not from clinging to the “good,” but from embracing life in its messy, complex fullness. Positivity isn’t always bad—but it shouldn’t blind us to what’s real.

The Fallacy of Positivity

By the time I reached what we call “middle age,” most of the foundational people in my life were gone. Their absence didn’t just bring grief—it fundamentally reshaped me. Becoming a caregiver, even for those I disliked, forced me to reevaluate everything: my priorities, my days, and what truly matters. Loss isn’t just about endings—it’s about transformation and redefinition

Loss as a Constant Teacher

Grief, when it comes, is nothing like we expect it to be.

Financially, my life isn’t filled with luxuries—it’s shaped by what’s essential and sustainable. But through this, I’ve found clarity. Stripping life down to its essentials has brought a focus and peace I never sought, but now deeply value. It’s not about what looks good from the outside; it’s about living in alignment with what truly matters to you

Living Simply, Living Honestly

People often say, “You’re so lucky,” assuming that a non-traditional career or simplicity means freedom. What they don’t see is the emotional labor, physical toll, and financial limitations behind these choices. Simplicity isn’t synonymous with ease—it’s often a hard-earned outcome of loss, reflection, and deliberate living. It’s real, not easy, and that’s what gives it meaning.

The Illusion of Ease

Toxic positivity—the insistence on “good vibes only”—dismisses the complexity of human experience. It’s a rejection of reality itself. True growth requires us to embrace both joy and sorrow, success and struggle. By accepting life as it is, in all its fullness, we find the freedom to live authentically. Positivity is a tool, not a shield against the truth.

Moving Beyond Toxic Positivity

Grief is not a clean narrative of loss followed by healing. It doesn’t fit into clichés about “resilience” or “silver linings.” Instead, grief permeates every corner of existence, shaping how we move through the world and how the world perceives us. It’s messy, painful, and defies explanation—but it’s real. And in the end, what’s real, for better or worse, is what makes life worth living.

The Side of Grief People Don’t See

Your body keeps the score.

From the outside, my life might look idyllic—free from traditional work, simple, and balanced. But people don’t see the toll it’s taken to get here: the losses, the struggles, the recalibration of priorities. They see the edited version because it’s easier to process. Reality, however, is far more complex. Life is shaped by what others can’t see, the depth beneath the surface.

The Danger of Surface Assumptions

Loss taught me to embrace what’s real, even when it’s painful. I’ve learned that life isn’t about bouncing back but about finding new footing, even when it’s forever altered. Freedom isn’t about avoiding pain—it’s about living honestly, facing reality without flinching. Beneath appearances, there is richness waiting to be embraced. And in the end, that’s what makes life worth living.

The Freedom to Face Reality

The emotional weight of loss doesn’t stop at the mind; it impacts the body. For me, years of stress and grief culminated in a fibromyalgia diagnosis, a condition linked to prolonged emotional strain. It’s as though grief became a physical presence I couldn’t ignore. My body demanded that I slow down and live with care, balancing what I can do against what my health allows.

When Grief Becomes Physical

Grief isn’t a problem to be solved or a phase to “get through.” It’s a teacher and, at times, an unrelenting companion. It demands acknowledgment, not avoidance. Through this, I’ve learned to see grief not as an enemy, but as a profound force of change. Pain doesn’t need to be escaped—it needs to be learned from. It’s through this lens that we come to understand ourselves and the world more deeply.

Grief as a Companion

As more death—I use that term from the perspective of energetic transition, whether physical, metaphorical, or societal—continues to challenge us all, I have been met with some interesting thought processes by those around me. There is a tendency, I’ve noticed, for people to cling to the idea of positivity, as though maintaining a relentless focus…

BESSEL VAN DER KOLK

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