What Lies Beneath: The Truth About Loss, Resilience, and Freedom

Grief is not a clean narrative of loss followed by healing. It doesn’t fit into clichés about “resilience” or “silver linings.” Instead, grief permeates every corner of existence, shaping how we move through the world and how the world perceives us. It’s messy, painful, and defies explanation—but it’s real. And in the end, what’s real, for better or worse, is what makes life worth living.

Grief isn’t a problem to be solved or a phase to “get through.” It’s a teacher and, at times, an unrelenting companion. It demands acknowledgment, not avoidance. Through this, I’ve learned to see grief not as an enemy, but as a profound force of change. Pain doesn’t need to be escaped—it needs to be learned from. It’s through this lens that we come to understand ourselves and the world more deeply.

The emotional weight of loss doesn’t stop at the mind; it impacts the body. For me, years of stress and grief culminated in a fibromyalgia diagnosis, a condition linked to prolonged emotional strain. It’s as though grief became a physical presence I couldn’t ignore. My body demanded that I slow down and live with care, balancing what I can do against what my health allows.

Financially, my life isn’t filled with luxuries—it’s shaped by what’s essential and sustainable. But through this, I’ve found clarity. Stripping life down to its essentials has brought a focus and peace I never sought, but now deeply value. It’s not about what looks good from the outside; it’s about living in alignment with what truly matters to you

From the outside, my life might look idyllic—free from traditional work, simple, and balanced. But people don’t see the toll it’s taken to get here: the losses, the struggles, the recalibration of priorities. They see the edited version because it’s easier to process. Reality, however, is far more complex. Life is shaped by what others can’t see, the depth beneath the surface.

People often say, “You’re so lucky,” assuming that a non-traditional career or simplicity means freedom. What they don’t see is the emotional labor, physical toll, and financial limitations behind these choices. Simplicity isn’t synonymous with ease—it’s often a hard-earned outcome of loss, reflection, and deliberate living. It’s real, not easy, and that’s what gives it meaning.

Toxic positivity—the insistence on “good vibes only”—dismisses the complexity of human experience. It’s a rejection of reality itself. True growth requires us to embrace both joy and sorrow, success and struggle. By accepting life as it is, in all its fullness, we find the freedom to live authentically. Positivity is a tool, not a shield against the truth.

Loss taught me to embrace what’s real, even when it’s painful. I’ve learned that life isn’t about bouncing back but about finding new footing, even when it’s forever altered. Freedom isn’t about avoiding pain—it’s about living honestly, facing reality without flinching. Beneath appearances, there is richness waiting to be embraced. And in the end, that’s what makes life worth living.