<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed">Untamed </a>is an inspiring memoir of Glennon Doyle, a woman who found peace and inner strength by challenging life in all its areas, from love to parenting, personal growth, and work, after going through a powerful change that led her to discover crucial aspects about herself and allowed her to build a new life.

Untamed - Book Summary 

"Grief is love's souvenir. It's our proof that we once loved. Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: Look! Love was once mine. I love well. Here is my proof that I paid the price."-Glennon Doyle Martin

Author Quote

If you ever don’t know what your direction in life is, you’re not alone. When <a href="https://momastery.com/blog/about-glennon/">Glennon Doyle </a>turned her life around from the roots, things became challenging. However, she knew there was no other way to escape her unhappiness. Sometimes, intuition is the best tool we have. The author herself had to learn this the hard way. After years of striving for dreams that didn’t even feel like her own anymore, she decided to follow her gut. She did away with the unfitting life guidelines she once set for herself.

Book Overview 

As such, when she met Abby Wambach, the woman she would soon fall in love with, her life started to take a twist. Her true nature showed up and she felt as if her cage broke open. Now, there was nothing holding Glennon back from being her unapologetic self.  Her memoir, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed">Untamed </a>, will inspire you to embrace the power within yourself and open up to new challenges, opportunities, and situations.

<ol><li>Don’t repress your true self, it will lead to unhappiness. </li><li>Putting yourself first can make you a better parent for your children. </li><li>Stop fighting what’s meant to be and embrace your true destiny. </li> </ol>

Top 3 Book Idea

There are times in life when we feel as if we’re stuck in a place where we don’t belong, no matter how hard we try to fit in. Sometimes these situations force us to learn important lessons about ourselves, such as who we are, what our boundaries are, or what we want out of our life.   This was the case for Doyle before she revealed her true identity and sexual orientation. Before meeting Abby, the author was living a picture-perfect life: she had a husband with whom she had children, a prosperous career, and a healthy family.

Lesson 1:  Your true nature will show eventually, so don’t force yourself into hiding it  .

In reality, she didn’t feel attracted to her spouse. And she was trying hard to keep up with the appearances she was presenting to her circle of friends and family. Then, she met Abby. Her <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-untethered-soul-summary/">soul </a>started to feel unsettling, disrupted, and different. After careful introspection, she realized that divorcing her husband was the best choice, and she was right! Currently, she’s living a happy, fulfilled life with Abby, has a fruitful career in writing, and has a great relationship with her children and ex-husband. Although difficult at first, living up to her true identity was worth it.

Being a perfect <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/13-things-mentally-strong-parents-dont-do-summary/">parent </a>is an impossible feat, yet every loving mother or father tries to achieve it. Frankly, many of them get pretty close, but mistakes do happen.  However, as long as you love your children and support them in their endeavors, your connection will grow stronger than ever. Doyle was the kind of parent who did everything right.

Lesson 2:  Being a good role model for your children sometimes means doing what’s best for you  .

For this reason, when she first considered getting a divorce, she felt awful. This decision could ruin her children’s lives, but staying unhappy could do the same for hers. What was there to do? As she was struggling with this decision, a thought popped into her mind.

Then, she knew exactly what she had to do. After all, what kind of example was she setting for her children? If pursuing and finding happiness was the ultimate goal, she had to achieve it, and that implied getting a divorce.  Her decision not only made her proud of herself but also strengthened her image as a role model for her children.

Just like Doyle, you too have a destiny of your own. Whether you’re directing your efforts in the right direction, or not, chances are you know deep down what it is that makes your mind, body, and soul happy.  Therefore, it would be wise to actively acknowledge that before it’s too late, and start living your life accordingly. Fortunately, the author realized that pretending to be the <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/battle-hymn-of-the-tiger-mother-summary/">perfect mother </a>, Christian, and wife wasn’t something she wanted to keep on doing.

Lesson 3:  When it’s meant to be, it will be, so stop fighting your true self  .

When everything kicked in, her life looked pretty stable and happy. In fact, she was scheduled to go on tour with her book. Still, when something is meant to be, it will be. So the timing was only a small impediment in her upcoming journey. After careful consideration, she decided that it was time to let everyone know that she will be getting a divorce. She assured her children that their family would still be a loving place for them. And so she let her followers know what was going on in her life.

Without further hiding or excuses, everyone was on the same page ― Doyle was now dating a woman. Instead of hurting her career, the news made her book release as successful as ever. Moreover, her <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/relationship-goals-summary/">love life </a>took off as well.  All the arrows were finally pointing in the right direction, and everything felt well in her heart. This powerful story now serves as an inspiration for people all over the world willing to turn their lives around for the better by following their intuition and dreams.

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed">Untamed </a>will help any struggling, broken soul find <a href="https://nik.art/if-you-cant-beat-the-fear-just-do-it-scared">the courage to break out of their misery </a>and make their ambitions come true. Use Glennon’s hard-earned lessons as a wake-up call if you live under unrealistic expectations, unfit societal standards, or a life that you don’t want to claim as your own.  Reading her memoir will lift your spirit and teach you what a powerful mother and woman can do once she sets goals and boundaries and starts to respect herself truly.

Untamed - Book Review

The 30-year-old woman who feels miserable in her marriage and wants to find a way out, the 28-year-old single mother who is looking to become a better role model for her children, or the 35-year-old activist who is researching real-life stories about sexism, social injustice, or feminism.

Who would I recommend the Untamed to?

Untamed summary is an inspiring memoir of Glennon Doyle, a woman who found peace and inner strength by challenging life in all its areas.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Philosophy

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Personal Development

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Motivation & Inspiration

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Mental Health

Untamed Summary

Remember teachers in school telling you you’d never achieve success in life if you ‘continued to have that attitude’? Turns out, that childhood warning was spot on, and success in life does indeed link deeply to having the right mindset to get you there. Inc.com wrote about a Stanford University study that found that having the right <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/how-to-be-optimistic-4-effective-ways-according-to-harvard">attitude </a>can legitimately make your <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/ways-to-train-your-brain-to-be-more-successful">mind </a>sharper and more efficient. The study claims a good bent of mind improves "the ability to answer math problems, increased <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/this-one-technique-can-improve-your-memory-significantly">memory </a>, and improved problem-solving <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/this-is-the-key-skill-you-need-to-be-professionally-successful-according-to-harvard">skills </a>".

So what exactly are the right attitudes? And more importantly, what are the wrong ones currently standing between you and the things you want…?

Mistakes are the most natural thing in the world–and <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/3-reasons-you-arent-a-millionaire-yet?fbclid=IwAR3Oc1hYbu6ndu5biC5IUzpJTmZIBIbVqxlRZMl0hB1XR7DmJRJWh0w6Kj0">successful people know that </a>. There is no success without a string of failures in its wake–and acknowledging that makes for a successful attitude. To be crushed by a mistake for a time is one thing–but letting it throw you off your path–or keep you from taking the right chances in the future–is entirely another. This sounds like a cliche, but mistakes are opportunities because they leave you a chance to learn from them. In every mistake, there is the chance for an autopsy that leads to the cause of failure–and helps you avoid the next one.

1. Getting Derailed By Your Own Mistakes 

Often, your greatest obstacle is really just yourself. You might think that sounds crazy; why on earth would you ever try to sabotage yourself when all you want is to be successful? However, you’d be surprised at how many people inadvertently cultivate behaviours that stop their progress and interrupt their productivity. A key component of self-sabotage is the grave error of setting impossibly high <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/5-ways-to-set-goals-that-can-help-you-become-successful-according-to-the-harvard-business-review">goals </a>which set you up for failure and confirm your bias about not being able to achieve what you want.

2. Getting In Your Own Way

he idea isn’t, however, to have low goals, but to have realistic ones; ones you know you can actually achieve with effort. An examination of yourself and your own capabilities can prove really helpful to get rid of this attitude.

Who doesn’t love to be liked? But if your whole personality is geared toward making people like you, the odds are you’ll never be able to push past people’s expectations of you to live up to your own. Wanting to make people happy is nearly synonymous with being unable to say ‘no’, and that becomes your Achilles Heel when it comes to going after what you want. It’s also crucial to establish firm boundaries for yourself, or you’ll find that people will cross them without a second thought.

3. People Pleasing 

<a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/tips-from-bill-gates-on-how-to-gain-self-confidence">Bill Gates </a>has already warned against the rot that sets in the minute you believe you have no growing left to do. Thinking you know everything is a guaranteed recipe for you to become irrelevant and outdated because you stop striving to improve yourself and your work. Nobody is (or should be) done learning; that includes you. Reading, conversing with people, and taking every chance to upskill; all of these contribute to growth; the skill most necessary for professional success.

4. Thinking You Have Nothing Left To Learn

There Are 4 Defeatist Attitudes That Prevent Success In Life

Success in life links deeply to having the right mindset to get you there. Here are the wrong ones currently standing in between you and the things you want...

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These are the 4 defeatist attitudes that prevent success in life, according to science

The state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.

The concept of flow

Optimal experience occurs when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen.The optimal state of inner experience is one in which there is order in consciousness.﻿Consciousness is not a strictly linear system, but one in which circular causality is obtained. Attention shapes the self, and is in turn shaped by it.

Optimal Experience

This, in turn, is related to goals and intentions. These processes are connected to each other by the self, or the dynamic mental representation we have of the entire system of our goals. These are the pieces that must be maneuvered if we wish to improveSelf → Psychic Energy → Attention → Goals & Intentions → Self

Experience depends on psychic energy - on the structure of attention.

The mark of a person who is in control of consciousness is the ability to focus attention at will, to be oblivious to distractions, to concentrate for as long as it takes to achieve a goal, and not longer. And the person who can do this usually enjoys the normal course of everyday lifePeople who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy.

Signs of A Conscious Being

<ol><li>Flow occurs when we confront tasks we have a chance of completing.</li><li>Ability to concentrate on what we are doing.</li><li>The concentration is possible because the task undertaken has clear goals and provides immediate feedback.</li><li>One acts with a deep but effortless involvement that removes from awareness the worries and frustrations of everyday life.</li><li>Enjoyable experiences allow people to exercise a sense of control over their actions.</li><li>Concern for the self disappears, yet paradoxically the sense of self emerges stronger after the flow experience is over.</li><li>The sense of the duration of time is altered.</li></ol>

How to experience flow ?

Complexity is the result of two broad psychological processes: differentiation and integration. Differentiation implies a movement toward uniqueness, toward separating oneself from others. Integration refers to its opposite: a union with other people, with ideas and entities beyond the self.

People become increasingly complex as a result of flow.

It will be to describe how people manage to join all experience into a meaningful pattern. When that is accomplished, and a person feels in control of life and feels that it makes sense, there is nothing left to desire. The fact that one is not slim, rich, or powerful no longer matters. The tide of rising expectations is stilled; unfulfilled needs no longer trouble the mind. Even the most humdrum experiences become enjoyable. Thus Flow will explore what is involved in reaching these aims.

The last step

When an important goal is pursued with resolution, and all one’s varied activities fit together into a unified flow experience, the result is that harmony is brought to consciousness. Someone who knows his desires and works with purpose to achieve them is a person whose feelings, thoughts, and actions are congruent with one another, and is therefore a person who has achieved inner harmony.

Harmony

What really makes people glad to be alive? What are the inner experiences that make life worthwhile? For more than two decades Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi studied those states in which people report feelings of concentration and deep enjoyment. His studies re

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Love & Relationships

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Books

“Csikszentmihalyi arrives at an insight that many of us can intuitively grasp, despite our insistent (and culturally supported) denial of this truth. That is, it is not what happens to us that determines our happiness, but the manner in which we make sense of that reality. . . . The manner in which Csikszentmihalyi integrates research on consciousness, personal psychology and spirituality is illuminating.” —Los Angeles Times Book ReviewThe bestselling classic that holds the key to unlocking meaning, creativity, peak performance, and true happiness. Legendary psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's famous investigations of "optimal experience" have revealed that what makes an experience genuinely satisfying is a state of consciousness called flow. During flow, people typically experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and a total involvement with life. In this new edition of his groundbreaking classic work, Csikszentmihalyi ("the leading researcher into ‘flow states’" —Newsweek) demonstrates the ways this positive state can be controlled, not just left to chance. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience teaches how, by ordering the information that enters our consciousness, we can discover true happiness, unlock our potential, and greatly improve the quality of our lives.

Mihaly Robert Csikszentmihalyi was a Hungarian-American psychologist. He recognized and named the psychological concept of "flow", a highly focused mental state conducive to productivity. He was the Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Management at Claremont Graduate University.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Flow

<a href="https://www.yourtango.com/experts/lyssa-dehart/what-is-empathy-how-to-be-more-empathetic-in-all-of-your-relationships">Empathy is the ability to feel something for others </a>, to put yourself in their position and feel what they are going through, and have respect for others. By having empathy for others, you are a more respectful and kind person, but it goes even deeper than that, because there are three different types of empathy you can have, and they don't all look and feel the same.

The 3 types of empathy are cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, and compassionate empathy. Each different type manifests in its own way. However, even if you demonstrate one or more types of empathy, sometimes you can still come off as uncaring. Showing empathy takes time and effort, and it’s usually through the steps of learning the different types of empathy and when to use each.

What are the 3 types of empathy?

<a href="https://www.yourtango.com/experts/thethinking-otherwoman/what-people-mean-when-they-talk-about-empathy">Empathy is important </a>because you’re able to use your shared experiences and imagine what it’s like to be in a particular situation, even if you have never been and might never be in the future. This ultimately helps you succeed at relating to and helping others.

Cognitive empathy is the type of empathy where you put yourself in another person's shoes. It’s concerned with thought, understanding, and intellect. Cognitive empathy allows you to empathize with another person by being able to understand what they are feeling through shared experiences. Example of cognitive empathy : When your roommate comes home and her boyfriend just broke up with her, you let her know that you've been there and can understand what she's going through, helping her feel less alone.

1. Cognitive empathy

Pros: Cognitive empathy makes you a better communicator because it relies on information that, in a way, best connects with the other person. Cons: Cognitive empathy is said to be empathy by thought but not feeling. This means that there is a question of feeling empathy when there’s no sympathy that comes along with it.

How to practice and develop cognitive empathy : In order to practice cognitive empathy, next time you meet someone new, before you engage with them, consider what you know or don’t know about them. Be willing to learn more as you engage in a conversation. When talking to this person, keep in mind that you will have an <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/2021342110/common-types-of-bias-list-cognitive-biases">unconscious bias </a>as you interpret their mood or behavior, and keep in mind how they respond to you, verbally and physically.

Emotional empathy is when you physically feel another person's emotions alongside them. It’s concerned with feelings, physical sensations, and the mirror neurons in the brain. Example of emotional empathy : You would use emotional empathy when crying with others at a wedding or feeling a visceral human response when you see someone fall off a bike. Pros: This is a very important type of empathy to have because we can respond and even comfort our friends and family when they are going through something. By doing so, you build close interpersonal relationships.

2. Emotional empathy

Cons: With emotional empathy, you might end up in emotion overload. If you become overwhelmed a lot, practice self-control when using emotional empathy so you can manage your own emotions better. How to practice and develop emotional empathy: When a friend, family member, or significant other is telling you about a personal situation or struggle, try not to judge them. Instead, focus on how and why this person feels like that. Then, ask yourself how you can help and relate to what they are going through.

Compassionate empathy is all about finding the right balance between logic and emotion. Compassionate empathy deals with Intellect, emotion, and action. It’s what we typically understand as having empathy for others, like feeling someone's pain and taking action. Example of emotional empathy : When you see someone on the street asking for money, food, or help, you immediately walk over to them. This may include you offering them assistance or giving them a shoulder to cry on.

3. Compassionate empathy

Pros: Compassionate empathy is the kind of empathy everyone should strive to have. It's what we understand as having compassion for others and being concerned to help solve their problems. Cons: This is the type of empathy most people desire, but it’s hard for some to practice. You fully need to understand and sympathize with other people, while also taking action to help them.

How to practice and develop compassionate empathy: When you directly ask another person what you can do to help them, that is practicing compassionate empathy; if they don’t want you to help, ask yourself why. Remember that whatever might have worked for you in the past in their situation or for others, might not work for them.

The 3 Different Types Of Empathy - And How To Express Each One

There Are 3 Different Types Of Empathy, And It's Important For All Your Interpersonal Relationships To Know When To Use Each Of Them.

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Communication

The 3 Different Types Of Empathy — And How To Express Each One

The sun does not move.

The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding

We know that mistakes are more easily detected in the work of others than himself.

A painter will produce pictures of little merit if he takes the work of others as a reference.

The more you know, the more you love.

Our greatest stupidities may be very wise.

The mind of the painter should be like a mirror that is filled with as many images as there are things in front of him.

This Book of Quotes includes important phrases by Leonardo da Vinci adapted in corresponding English-Spanish paragraphs. The book is excellent way to read Paragraph by Paragraph Translation as each individual English paragraph is paired with the corresponding Spanish paragraph. The paragraphs are not long, so there is no need to do a lot of back and forth to see the English translation and the Spanish text. Leonardo, like his contemporary Christopher Columbus, possessed an insatiable curiosity and desire for discovery of unknown worlds. Only observation, says many times Leonardo, is the key to knowledge and understanding. Throughout his life Leonardo seeks to understand and control the nature. He constructed machines and original installations, built bridges, dissected human bodies and trying to break into the Providence of God. He could be called "Master of everything", everything that exists in the Universe, for his art and his inventions. Leonardo can be called the Son of God.

Maria Tsaneva

Leonardo da Vinci: Quotes

<ul><li>Thinking in extremes. Using words like always, never, must, should, horrible, perfect etc</li><li>This type of thinking results in extreme emotions and can make a situation worse.</li><li>The key to resolve black and white thinking is to look at reality in a more nuanced manner and get honest with ourselves</li><li>Instead of saying ‘you never do something’ say that ‘she does these sometimes’.</li></ul>

Black and white thinking 

<ul><li>It justifies you.</li><li>It excuses you from work.</li><li>It protects you from feelings extreme emotions like disappointment, sadness etc.</li><li>It helps you feel powerless.</li><li>It kinda feels good.</li></ul>

Why do we think in ‘black or white’

<ul><li>Notice extreme words like 'always', 'never', 'horrible' etc.</li><li>Take a deep breath and slow down.</li><li>Name the emotion - like I feel angry, for example I feel  </li><li>Reframe your thoughts by - </li></ul><ol><li>Use both/and - You can feel two emotions at the same time. Eg I am smart and valuable but i make mistakes too.</li><li>Look for exceptions like "my husband does the dishes sometimes"</li></ol><ul><li>Be specific about the problem. Specify what’s troubling you. Instead of saying 'everything is horrible' describe what specifically is horrible.</li><li>Be accountable. What can be done to help the situation</li></ul>

Reframing black and white thinking

Reframe your thinking to see reality as more nuanced and varied.

Get the free guide to this episode: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/pl/2147654246 Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. Try it now for 10% off your first month: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=YouTube Black-and-white thinking is when you take a situation and think about it in an extreme way, you push out all the nuance and turn it into something as intense as possible. You can usually recognize it when you use words like “Always, Never, Perfect, Terrible, Everything, Everyone, Nothing, Nobody, Worst, or Best. The Arbinger Institute calls these “Horribilizations” You take something and horriblize it. Notice how in these situations, black and white thinking exaggerates the situation. A husband says to his wife: “You NEVER do the dishes! I ALWAYS have to clean up after you!” Depressed Young Adult: “EVERYthing is awful. The world is a TERRIBLE place. Climate change is HOPELESS. I’ll NEVER be able to succeed. I’m NO good at math” Someone at work: My boss is the WORST communicator. A young mother: “I’m just a TERRIBLE person” or “She has it ALL together, she’s such a SAINT” Each time, the person takes a difficult situation and makes it horrible. They use the most extreme word. Never. Always. Everything. Hopeless. Terrible. The more extreme your thinking, the more intense your emotions will be, and the more likely you are to be depressed or anxious. But Black and White thinking also makes you helpless to escape that depression or anxiety. And it’s a lie. When you use B&W thinking, you are usually distorting nuanced reality by ignoring the good and exaggerating the bad. You’re lying. If it’s so awful, why do we do it? You subconsciously like black and white thinking because it serves a function in the short term. And like a drug, it makes you suffer in the long term. So what function does it serve? 00:00 Introduction to Emotional Reactivity 00:38 How to Identify Black and White Thinking 02:36 Why do we "like" black and white thinking? 05:52 How to be less emotionally reactive 06:15 How to reframe black and white thinking 07:10 How to think in the gray 10:15 summary of how to be less emotionally reactive Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapyinanutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=YouTube Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books Check out my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: https://tinpodcast.podbean.com/ Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

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Black-and-white thinking is when you take a situation and think about it in an extreme way, you push out all the nuance and turn it into something as intense as possible. You can usually recognize it when you use words like “Always, Never, Perfect, Terrible, Everything, Everyone, Nothing, Nobody, Worst, or Best. The Arbinger Institute calls these “Horribilizations” You take something and horriblize it. 

Notice how in these situations, black and white thinking exaggerates the situation. 
A husband says to his wife: “You NEVER do the dishes! I ALWAYS have to clean up after you!”
Depressed Young Adult: “EVERYthing is awful. The world is a TERRIBLE place. Climate change is HOPELESS.  I’ll NEVER be able to succeed. I’m NO good at math”  
Someone at work: My boss is the WORST communicator. 
A young mother: “I’m just a TERRIBLE person” or “She has it ALL together, she’s such a SAINT”
Each time, the person takes a difficult situation and makes it horrible. They use the most extreme word. Never. Always. Everything. Hopeless. Terrible. 

The more extreme your thinking, the more intense your emotions will be, and the more likely you are to be depressed or anxious. But Black and White thinking also makes you helpless to escape that depression or anxiety. And it’s a lie. When you use B&W thinking, you are usually distorting nuanced reality by ignoring the good and exaggerating the bad. You’re lying. 

If it’s so awful, why do we do it? 
You subconsciously like black and white thinking because it serves a function in the short term. And like a drug, it makes you suffer in the long term. So what function does it serve?

00:00 Introduction to Emotional Reactivity
00:38 How to Identify Black and White Thinking
02:36 Why do we "like" black and white thinking?
05:52 How to be less emotionally reactive
06:15 How to reframe black and white thinking
07:10 How to think in the gray
10:15 summary of how to be less emotionally reactive
Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell
Sign up for my newsletter: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/free-resources
Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books
Check out my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: https://tinpodcast.podbean.com/

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. 
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

Welcome to my passion project! I’m Emma McAdam, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and my mission is to make mental health resources easier to access. I take therapy skills and psychological research and condense them down into bite-sized nuggets of help. 

As a licensed therapist, one thing I’ve noticed is that most people have no idea of what they can do to improve depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. 

I’m here to spread the message that while mental illness is real, it’s common, it’s debilitating, it’s also treatable. There are dozens of research-backed approaches to treating depression, anxiety, and other mental illness. Change, growth, and healing are possible. Please keep courage! Try one little thing every day to improve your life and health, and things can get so much better! 
I am not currently taking any new clients, but you can find a therapist with my sponsor: BetterHelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Therapy in a Nutshell

How to Be Less Emotionally Reactive: Black and White Thinking

How to Reframe Black and White Thinking and become less emotionally reactive

<ul><li>Research suggests that mentally strong people have certain characteristics and personality traits that make them better equipped to bounce back from failure. Emotional maturity, for instance is particularly important for mental strength and resilience because it allows a person to see reality for what it is.</li><li>Conversely emotionally immature people tend not to accept reality and instead re-write inconvenient facts so that they better align with their pre-existing mindsets. </li></ul>

7 WAYS MENTALLY STRONG PEOPLE BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

<ul><li>Mentally strong people, by contrast accept the consequences of their choices including the ability to move on.</li><li>Such inborn traits can certainty help. But every one can boost their resilience during tough times by availing themselves of certain strategies based on the following 7 things that mentally strong people do.</li></ul>

<ul><li>They realize that everyone has setbacks and perceived "failures" - such as divorce, lost jobs, losses in business etc, and that they are a part of life. Some element of failure and setback is to be expected when taking risks and moving out of one's comfort zone to, for instance achieve the goal. They resist the urge a blame themselves excessively by accepting reality for what it is.</li></ul>

1. THEY USE ACCEPTANCE

<ul><li> Mentally strong people are both open-minded and flexible about problem solving and tend to avoid rigid thinking. They provide positive and resilient self-talk to get through their set-backs. For example, the late author Wayne Dyer said: "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Changing your narrative about a setback allows for new cognitive reframes and self-narratives to be created. Inventor Thomas Edison reframed his failed experiments to create a self-narrative " I haven't failed; I have only found 1000 ways that do not work."</li></ul>

2. THEY FRAME SETBACKS

<ul><li>They ask, " How could I have done this differently? What did I learn about what works, and what did I learn about what doesn't work?" Looking back at a recent breakup, for example, could teach someone to pay more attention to red flags or the intuition they set aside at the beginning of the relationship. </li></ul>

3. THEY LEVERAGE THEIR SETBACK FOR FAILURE GROWTH

<ul><li>Mentally strong people do not bury their feelings, nor do they wallow in them. They acknowledge them and give themselves time to process the setback. Feelings of sadness, disappointments, devastation, or rejection are normal and nothing to be afraid of.</li></ul>

4. THEY ARE HONEST WITH THEIR FEELINGS AND ACKNOWLEDGE DISAPPOINTMENTS.

<ul><li>Mentally strong people tend to have an optimistic outlook on life, and studies have shown that there is a relationship between optimism and life satisfaction through self-control and grit. They know that there is no failure that can't be overcome, as long as they keep trying. For example, the late Steve Jobs was fired from Apple a company he created. He later stated that "It was the best thing that ever happened." He used it as an opportunity to move in another direction, Creating NeXT and Pixar.</li></ul>

5. THEY ARE OPTIMISTIC 

<ul><li>Many mentally strong people lean on their spiritually as a source of strength. They realize that having a spiritual orientation can help them tap into a growth mindset. Resilience the ability to bounce back from disappointments along with spiritual beliefs, can help make meaning of each experience.</li><li>Individual spirituality can help promote both meaning and positive emotions such as gratitude over time.</li></ul>

6. THEY MAY MAKE MEANING OF THEIR EXPERIENCES AND SETBACKS THROUGH A SPIRITUAL LENS.

<ul><li>To tap into self-compassion when you're feeling down, try asking: "What would I say to a good friend who experienced what I'm experiencing?" Additionally, mindfulness techniques can help promote self-compassion as it helps someone acknowledge their feelings rather than push them away. Some mindfulness practices for example, encourage adherents to internally acknowledge that "This is a moment of suffering"</li><li>Further mindfulness can help someone remind themselves that they are not alone; indeed countless people are feeling just as they are, right at this very moment.</li></ul>

7. THEY ARE SELF-COMPASSIONATE

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Human Resources

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Whether it’s a past mistake, a misunderstanding, or simply <a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/90356572/how-to-recover-from-a-negative-first-impression">getting off on the wrong foot </a>, not everyone will have a high opinion of you. Unfortunately, that negative perception can impact your ability to work together, lead, or get ahead. If it’s a first impression, it can be hard to undo, says Dr. Theresa DiDonato, professor of psychology at Loyola University Maryland.

“Once formed, they create people’s future expectations, and these expectations shape subsequent interactions,” she says. “In other words, what people think of us can—through self-fulfilling prophesies—make us behave in ways aligned with their first impression of us.”

While it may be tempting, don’t write off a relationship, says Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, practicing psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health, a virtual and in-person outpatient mental health care provider. “Some people assume the worst about the future of a relationship when it doesn’t get off on the best foot and stop trying to further it altogether,” she says.

Fortunately, there are some things you can do. “Negative first impressions can be moved if new information undercuts the initial evaluation, not only offering positive impression info but, critically, offering new explanations for what was previously interpreted as evidence for a negative judgment,” says DiDonato.

Before trying to rectify what you think was a bad first impression, take a moment to reflect on the information and signals you’ve received from others, says Michaela Simpson, Ph.D., senior researcher at <a href="https://neuroleadership.com/">NeuroLeadership Institute </a>, global neuroscience-backed consultancy firm. “If have indeed made a negative first impression, decide whether it’s something that needs repairing,” she says. “In other words, will it negatively impact your ability to perform your job and to work collaboratively with others?”

Assess the Situation

For example, if you inadvertently made an insensitive comment to a team member, Simpson recommends reaching out to let them know you were nervous and acknowledge that you put your foot in your mouth.

Patel-Dunn suggest finding a way to reconnect and demonstrate more of your character. For example, if the bad first impression was made meeting a new client or on a job interview, follow up with a letter or email. “Thank them for their time, show more of your personality and authenticity so that you’re more comfortable with how the interaction ended,” she says. “That way, you can focus on the way you remedied the situation, rather than the uncomfortable encounter itself.”

Look for a Second Chance

It helps to get out of your own head, says Kindra Hall, president and chief storytelling officer at Steller Collective, a communications consulting firm, and author of the forthcoming book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400228409?tag=wwwfccom-20">Choose Your Story, Change Your Life </a>. “Chances are, you’re making it seem worse than it actually is,” she says. “The key to keeping it cool when you get a second chance is to change the story you have in your head.”

Focus on the Other Person

Hall recommends asking questions and moving the focus from you to them. “The best questions will encourage the individual to tell a story about themselves,” she says. “For example, if the next time you see them is at an industry event reception, ask, ‘Do you remember your first time at this event?’ We like people more who seem interested in us and we feel more connected to those with whom we exchange stories.”

Making sure your actions match how you want to be perceived is also important, says Roberta Matuson, author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Can-Talk-Principles-Difficult-Conversations/dp/1398601330?tag=wwwfccom-20">Can We Talk? Seven Principles for Managing Difficult Conversations at Work </a>. “Our behaviors matter, not our intention,” says Matuson. “I may like you to think of me in a certain way, but if my behaviors are in direct opposition of that I won’t change how you think.”

Pay Attention to Your Actions

Avoid trying to overcompensate or making too much of an effort to change their perception, says Hall. “While this is only natural, it will likely make things worse,” she says.

Don’t Try Too Hard

Whether you work in an office or interact with your colleagues online, you will very likely have frequent interactions with them, adds Simpson. “When you bring your authentic self to work and show your colleagues that you are competent, a team player, and that they can rely on you, the multiple interactions they have with you every day will eventually override that one moment they met you,” she says. “Be patient; these things take time.”

If you believe that someone’s opinion is harming your career, don’t be afraid to confront someone who may be harboring ill thoughts of you, says Matuson. “I don’t believe in going around the block to go next door; I believe in direct communication,” she says. “I believe in saying, ‘Here’s what I heard. Is that what you were told? If so, I’d like to present my side of the story.'”

But Know When to Address the Issue

While you may not care what others think, perception is important if you want to move up in an organization, says Matuson. “You may think you’re the greatest leader in the world, but if nobody else thinks that, it doesn’t matter what you think,” she says. “You have to work really hard and manage those relationships.”

How To Change Someone's Perception Of You

Don’t write off a relationship just because it got off to a bad start.


How to change someone’s perception of you

Learning to effectively lead yourself and others all comes down to discipline. Happiness, success, and fulfillment stem from focus and self-control.with discipline and self-control we actually accomplish more of the goals we truly care about. Self-discipline is the bridge between goals defined and goals accomplished.

Self-awareness is a powerful tool for comfort zone expansion, but it requires constant focus and acknowledging your shortcomings, whatever they may be.Know your strengths, but more importantly, own up to your flaws. You can’t overcome them until you do.

1.Know your strengths and weaknesses.

If you want to enhance your productivity at work, improve the management of your To-Do’s, turn off social media notifications and silence your cell phone. Prioritize and execute.The fewer distractions you have, the more focused you will be on accomplishing your goals. Set yourself up for success by ditching bad influences.

2.Remove temptations

If you hope to achieve greater degrees of self-discipline, you must have a clear vision of what you hope to accomplish, just like any goalA clear plan outlines each time-bound step you must take to reach your goals. Create a mantra to keep yourself focused. Successful people use this technique to stay on track, emotionally connect to their mission, and establish a clear finish line.

3.Set clear goals and have an execution plan

work on building your self-discipline through daily diligence in a given area associated with a goal. This goes back to step three. In order to practice daily diligence, you must have a plan. Put it on your calendar, your to-do list, tattoo it on the back of your eyelids - whatever works best for you. With practice, anyone can push the boundaries of their comfort zone every day.

4.Practice daily diligence

Acquiring self-discipline and working to instill a new habit can feel daunting at first, especially if you focus on the entire task at hand. To avoid feeling intimidated, keep it simple. Break your goal into small, doable steps. Instead of trying to change everything at once, focus on doing one thing consistently and master self-discipline with that goal in mind.

5.Create new habits and rituals

When we embrace the mindset of unlimited willpower, we continue to grow, achieve more, and develop mental toughness. It’s the same philosophy as setting “stretch” goals. In short, our internal conceptions about willpower and self-control can determine how disciplined we are. If you can remove these subconscious obstacles and truly believe you can do it, then you will give yourself an extra boost of motivation toward making those goals a reality.

6.Change your perception about willpower

Going in with a plan will help give you the mindset and self-control necessary for the situation. You will also save energy by not having to make a sudden decision based on your emotional state.8

7.Give yourself a backup plan

The development of expertise requires coaches who are capable of giving constructive, even painful, feedback. Real experts are extremely motivated students who seek out such feedback. They’re also skilled at understanding when and if a coach or mentor’s advice doesn’t work for them.The best coaches also identify aspects of your performance that will need to be improved at your next level of skill and aid you in preparation.

8.Find trusted coaches or mentors

Even with all our best intentions and well laid plans, we sometimes fall short. It happens. You will have ups and downs, great successes and dismal failures. The key is to keep going. Learn from your missteps and forgive yourself. Then get your head back in the game and violently execute. Good luck!

9.Forgive yourself and move forward

Learning to effectively lead yourself and others all comes down to discipline. Happiness, success, and fulfillment stem from focus and self-control. Self-discipline is the bridge between goals defined and goals accomplished.

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Productivity

habits

Habits

9 Powerful Ways To Cultivate Extreme Self-Discipline

Projection is a <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/defense-mechanisms-2795960">defense mechanism</a> in which an individual recognizes their unacceptable traits or impulses in someone else to avoid recognizing those traits or impulses in themselves subconsciously.People protect their self-esteem by denying characteristics, impulses, or feelings they find threatening while seeing those same characteristics in someone else.

Projection as a Defense Mechanism

<ul><li>A wife is attracted to a male co-worker but can't admit her feelings, so when her husband talks about a female co-worker, she becomes jealous and accuses him of being attracted to the other woman.</li><li>A man who feels insecure about his masculinity mocks other men for acting like women.</li><li>Someone feels guilty for feeling the urge to steal, leading them to suspect that others are planning to take their wallet or other valuables.</li><li>A young man ignores his own aggressive impulses and instead inaccurately believes his friend has aggressive tendencies.</li></ul>

Examples of Projection

Projection is when one sees the traits that they find unacceptable in themselves in others. Learn about the origin and impact of the defense mechanism projection.

What Is a Projection Defense Mechanism?

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