• Pinpoint exactly what you’re afraid of	• Answer your “what if?” questions	• Stop visualizing success as easy	• Focus on the process, not the result	• Remember failure is fleeting

How do you take that leap of faith? Here are some ways to get a running start.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

problemsolving

Problem Solving

Stop Fear of Failure

The story is set in a universe where there are 2 sister planets, which run on completely different ideologies:<ul><li>Urras: an Earth-like planet, with many states, the most powerful one described as a capitalist one</li><li>Anarres is an arid planet with an anarchic society: no rulers, no private property, and no government. </li></ul>The story follows  Shevek, a brilliant temporal physicist from Anarres. We follow him growing up on Anarres and on a trip to Urras, in a series of alternating chapters. Each chapter is a philosophical exploration of concepts such as freedom, love, or property.

The Premise of the Dispossessed

Half of the alternating chapters deal with Shevek growing up on Anarres, becoming a top scientist ... only to discover the utopian anarchy suffers from a lack of innovation, maintaining the status quo with social norms.Having no chance to develop his theory on Anarres, Shevek travels to capitalist Urras, where science is much more developed and he is treated as a hero. But he soon finds out the regime was simply trying to take advantage of him and use his theories for economic and military benefit. He makes his discoveries available to everyone and escapes back to Anarres.

The Story of Shevek

Ursula Le Guin may seem to be promoting a credible anarchist utopia. Especially to the progressive liberal audience, she was influenced by and also influential to. As an antidote to the excesses of a capitalist system. But here opposing systems are not perfect. <ul><li>Anarres is stuck in a form of religious devotion to the system that there is no development. Most people are also quite miserable. </li><li>Urras looks much more like a fascist state than a capitalist utopia. </li></ul>It is not clear if Le Guin was straw-manning the capitalist system or if she attempted an analysis of the concept of freedom.

Anarchy, an Ambiguous Utopia

To make a thief, make an owner; to create crime, create laws.

"You can’t crush ideas by suppressing them. You can only crush them by ignoring them. By refusing to think, refusing to change."

It is our suffering that brings us together. It is not love. Love does not obey the mind, and turns to hate when forced. We are brothers in what we share. In pain, which each of us must suffer alone, in hunger, in poverty, in hope, we know our brotherhood. We know it, because we have had to learn it. There is no help for us but from one another, that no hand will save us if we do not reach out our hand. The hand that you reach out is empty, as mine is. You have nothing. You possess nothing. You own nothing. You are free. All you have is what you are, and what you give.

A young Shevek and his friends are uncertain of how to make a “real” prison and grasp at approximations of one as they play at incarcerating one another. The scenario plays similar to the Standford experiment.As some of the play guardians started to display masochistic behavior, Shevek noticed:"At first we were playing a game, but now the game plays us."

The mimetics of behavior

One of the best written novels. It is SF because it has ships and stuff. But a philosophical book from start to finish. 

An astonishing tale of one man's search for Utopia.

philosophy

Philosophy

sciencefiction

Science Fiction

books

Books

Shevek, a brilliant physicist, decides to take action. He will seek answers, question the unquestionable, and attempt to tear down the walls of hatred that have isolated his planet of anarchists from the rest of the civilized universe. To do this dangerous task will mean giving up his family and possibly his life. Shevek must make the unprecedented journey to the utopian mother planet, Anarres, to challenge the complex structures of life and living, and ignite the fires of change.

Ursula K. Le Guin

The Dispossessed

If you’re an introvert, striking up a conversation with a stranger at a crowded event might sound like a nightmare. But that’s what networking is all about — and a networking coach says you’re fully capable of mastering the skill. While networking might not be your strong suit, Allen says it’s a skill you can pick up in a few small steps. Here are her seven top tips:

We Need Networking

Small statements that reinforce positive thoughts about yourself can help you get rid of your negative thoughts over time, Allen says — whether you’re fighting harmful misconceptions about introverts or other personal insecurities. Allen recommends writing down your affirmations in a journal, an index card or even somewhere on your phone. Read them as often as possible, especially when you’re having negative thoughts. The result, she says: You’ll start to carry yourself with more confidence, and that will only draw more people to you.

1. Create a few affirmations for yourself

As much as you might want to avoid attending networking events with large groups of people, they’re still a great way to make business connections, Allen says. To ease your stress, ask a close work friend to come along so you can help each other navigate the event — or even approach strangers together if that’s more comfortable, Allen suggests. Try to schedule networking events when you’ll have enough energy to do something that doesn’t come naturally to you. Consider avoiding events right after work, when you might be too tired to put forth your best effort. Allen also recommends creating specific goals to help you make the most of attending. That might mean staying at the venue for at least one hour or getting contact information from at least two people before the event ends.

2. Have a strategy for networking events

After you make those new business connections, the next step is to schedule one-on-one meetings with them. Allen recommends meeting at least one networking connection weekly, for roughly 30 minutes each. Getting to know your new connections better will help you build a network that can help advance your career or business, she says. Try preparing some questions in advance to make the conversation easier, Allen suggests. Focus on learning more about them, their line of work and what advice they may have for you. Be prepared to share information about yourself and your career goals. You’ll come away knowing whether you could work together or assist each other in some way, Allen says.

3. Schedule one-on-ones

Always following up after connecting with someone at an event or one-on-one meeting can make you stand out, Allen says. It’s a simple step that can make others remember you in a positive light.  Send an email, a text message or a handwritten note that thanks them for connecting with you, and either initiates another meetup or lets them know you’ll reach out again in the future. Make it a habit to send those follow-up messages within 24 to 48 hours of connecting, Allen says.

4. Make following up a habit

Social media can’t fully replace networking in person, but it’s a free and “low-energy” alternative that still allows you to make connections and promote your career and business.Some platforms might be more useful than others: People in your industry may be most active on Twitter, while people from another industry might frequently post on LinkedIn.After you’ve connected with someone, send them a direct message thanking them for connecting with you and explaining why you wanted to connect. Then, stay engaged: Regularly post about your ongoing projects or comment on other people’s posts.

5. Take advantage of social media

Remembering people’s names and pronouncing them correctly is a simple way to make a great lasting impression on someone, Allen says. She acknowledges that it can be difficult, so she has a few strategies for what to do after someone introduces themselves to you. Ask them how to correctly pronounce their name, and repeat it back to them to make it easier for your mind to remember. Find a few opportunities to use their name in your conversation with them, she adds: It can make you more personable while increasing your chances of remembering it.

6. Pay attention to names

Smiling may not be appropriate in all situations, but Allen suggests making it a goal to smile more often during conversations with new connections. It’ll make you appear more confident, she says. A <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02699931.2013.817383">2013 study </a>by researchers in Switzerland presented different faces with varying happiness to a group of participants. They found that participants preferred faces with a stronger smile.  “Everybody appreciates the smile,” Allen says. “I would love more introverts to get out there and show your smile because it will only help you make those connections you want.”

7. Don’t forget the power of a smile

You will networking anyways, so why dont try these tips.

Introverts may struggle more with networking than extroverts. Professional networking coach Jevonya Allen says these seven tips can help.

career

Career

communication

Communication

7 steps introverts can take to become 'master networkers'

”You’ll laugh at your fears when you find out who you are.”

A seminal series from a legendary creator. Dragon Ball, a wry update on the Chinese "Monkey King" myth, introduces us to Son Go Son Goku, a young monkey-tailed boy whose quiet life is turned upside-down when he meets Bulma, a girl determined to collect the seven "Dragon Balls." If she gathers them all, an incredibly powerful dragon will appear and grant her one wish. But the precious orbs are scattered all over the world, and to get them she needs the help of a certain super-strong boy. The VIZBIG edition of Dragon Ball contains volumes 1-3, bonus color content and updated text. Before there was Dragon Ball Z, there was Akira Toriyama's action epic Dragon Ball, starring the younger version of Son Goku and all the other Dragon Ball Z heroes! Meet a naive young monkey-tailed boy named Goku, whose quiet life changes when he meets Bulma, a girl who is on a quest to collect seven "Dragon Balls." If she gathers them all, an incredibly powerful dragon will appear and grant her one wish. But the precious orbs are scattered all over the world, and Bulma needs Goku's help (and his super-strength)! With a magic staff for a weapon and a flying cloud for a ride, Goku sets out on the adventure of a lifetime...

movies

Movies & Shows

Change your perspective: get BIG A seminal series from a legendary creator. Dragon Ball, a wry update on the Chinese "Monkey King" myth, introduces us to Son Goku, a young monkey-tailed boy whose quiet life is turned upside-down when he meets Bulma, a girl determined to collect the seven "Dragon Balls." If she gathers them all, an incredibly powerful dragon will appear and grant her one wish. But the precious orbs are scattered all over the world, and to get them she needs the help of a certain super-strong boy... A Collection of Volumes 1 - 3! Legend has it that if all seven of the precious orbs called "Dragon Balls" are gathered together, an incredibly powerful dragon god will appear to grant one wish. Unfortunately, the orbs are scattered across the world, making them extremely difficult to collect. Enter 16-year-old Bulma, a scientific genius who has constructed a radar to detect the exact locations of the Dragon Balls. She's on a mission to find all seven orbs, but first she must convince young Son Goku to join her on her quest. With a monkey tail, super-human strength, and a magic staff for a weapon, Son Goku's ready to set out on the adventure of a lifetime...

Akira Toriyama

Dragon Ball (VIZBIG Edition), Vol. 1

Dragon Ball, Vol. 1 (VIZBIG Edition)

The decoy effect is a cunning type of pricing strategy that marketers use to get you to switch your choice from one option to a more expensive or profitable one.Consumers will tend to have a specific change in preference between two options when also presented with a third option that is asymmetrically dominated

The Decoy Effect

<ul><li>Consumers change their preference between two options when presented with a third option (the "decoy") that is "asymmetrically dominated".</li><li>The decoy is priced to make one of the other options much more attractive.</li><li>It is "dominated" in terms of perceived value (quantity, quality, extra features).</li></ul>

Asymmetric Dominance

Through manipulating these key choice attributes, a decoy steers you in a particular direction while giving you the feeling you are making a rational, informed choice.The decoy effect is a form of "nudging" - defined by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein as "any aspect of the choice architecture that alters people's behavior in a predictable way without forbidding any options".

How Decoys Work

Most pricing structures nudge us to spend more. But there’s a particularly cunning type of pricing that can get us to swap our preference from a cheaper to a more expensive option.

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

The decoy effect: how you are influenced to choose without really knowing it

Dodge the path to where the world is moving, you need to clear your niche, start filtering the audience, stop looking for 1000 and just target the 100 and sustain them for your next 1000 posts. That's profitable.

Avoid The VANITY Metrics

People <a href="https://gauravpatil.substack.com/p/real-game-of-creating-and-managing">save</a> or <a href="https://gauravpatil.substack.com/p/real-game-of-creating-and-managing">stash</a> your content when they get something new to devour. May we jump in health, finance, psychology, ethics and history.Craving for a new technique or a new subject, increases our dopamine levels.

Educate Them

Reusing or copying the same content might lower their adrenaline rush as they were on a streak, eager waiting for your new post or episode. Not fulfilling their expectation may turn out to be a scorpion sting Don't give them chance to lower your rating.

Never Betray Them

Sources to start with may be <ul><li>Book</li><li>Article</li><li>Podcast</li><li>YTB</li><li>Poems and Quotes</li></ul>The above sources are all effective depending on the target audience. Observe which Source does the audience fall for. <a href="https://gauravpatil.substack.com/p/real-game-of-creating-and-managing">Target</a> the strongest source move some best ideas. Target the weakest source move plenty of ideas.

Observe The Channel

Let's mutually understand Tim Ferris on his scale, for beginning a new Niche Life!!!

strategy

Strategy

education

Learning & Education

How to Create Content That Sustains a Career | Tim Ferriss

I guess a subtle one is them treating you differently in public vs how they treat you privately. These can both go either way.

Always talking shit about other people when they aren’t around.

When telling you about issues in their life and everything is everyone else’s fault/ no accountability

How someone treats another person based on their job title. Anyone who treats a server, maid, garbage person, etc like crap is just telling the world how much a piece they are.

When you express a boundary, they try to guilt trip you, pressure you, or threaten you to try and force you to do things you don’t want to do.

Treating people well only if they can benefit from them in some way. If they treat you well, but treat random people like shit, they aren't good people. And they'll treat you like shit too if you ever stop being of use to them.

If they brag about how they pulled a fast one on other people. As if to say how smart/slick they are and everyone else is stupid.

They never apologize.

It's always about them. They're always the hero or always the victim in their stories.Can't take criticism but probably dish it out to everyone else. They're never wrong.

They remember you are their friend only when they need something from you.

Nothing is ever their fault.

They constantly say or do things where their only justification for doing so is "It was just a joke" when called out on it.

When they cannot bring themselves to celebrate someone else’s success.

A lot of times they’ll straight up tell you. Anybody who gleefully tells you “I’m such an asshole” or “I’m such a bi*ch” is usually not joking, even if they say it while laughing.

Throwing trash out of a car window, littering

Treats animals poorly

So this should be obvious but it's not. As a guy, don't trust another guy if he cheats on his spouse. If he'll betray the closest person to him, he doesn't care about his friends either, trust me

Seem easy to spot "bad" people right? Not always I guess. Reddit is really a treasure if you know what to look after. Thousand of folks gave their thoughts, and voted on other's. Ideas kind of make sense, by sheer statistical number, from people's perspective.

r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions.

What's a giveaway that someone isn't a good person?

David McRaney is a science journalist, author, and host of the You Are Not So Smart podcast. He shares 5 key insights from his new book, How Minds Change: The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion.

How Minds Change: The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion

Persuasion is not coercion. It is also not an attempt to defeat your intellectual opponent with facts or moral superiority, nor is it a debate with a winner or a loser. Persuasion is leading a person along in stages, helping them to better understand their own thinking and how it could align with the message at hand. You can’t persuade another person to change their mind if that person doesn’t want to do so, and the techniques that work the best focus on a person’s motivations more than their conclusions. In many ways, persuasion is mostly encouraging people to realize that change is possible.

1. Persuasion is not coercion.

Ultimately, all persuasion is self-persuasion. People change (or refuse to do so) based on their desires, motivations, and internal counterarguing. By focusing on these factors, an argument becomes more likely to change minds.

Beliefs aren’t ideas stored in your brain, possessions on a shelf, or files in a biological computer. Belief is a process. To believe or doubt is the result of neurons in associative networks delivering an emergent sensation of certainty, or lack thereof. The speed of change is inversely proportional to the strength of our certainty, and certainty is a feeling: somewhere between an emotion and a mood, more akin to hunger than to logic. Persuasion, no matter the source, is a force that affects that feeling.“Ultimately, all persuasion is self-persuasion.”

2. Certainty is an emotion.

Brains resist change to some degree because updating when you shouldn’t is dangerous (you might become wrong). But since not updating when you should is also dangerous (you might stay wrong), the brain walks a tightrope, changing its mind carefully given a variety of motivations and goals.

3. Social death is greater than physical death.

The strongest motivation to resist change is the fear of shame and ostracism. As social primates, humans value being good members of their groups much more than they value being right—factually, morally, or otherwise—so much so that as long as we have a group that satisfies our needs, we will choose to be wrong if it keeps us in good standing with our peers.For the ideas that identify us as members of a group, we want to seem trustworthy, and reputation management as a trustworthy individual often supersedes most other concerns, including our mortality.

“The brain walks a tightrope, changing its mind carefully given a variety of motivations and goals.”

Disambiguation is what brains do when confronted with novelty and uncertainty. We use what we think we know to disambiguate the ambiguous. I love that term, especially because it comes from reading comprehension: the act of deriving meaning through context when a word, phrase, or entire essay could be interpreted in many ways.

4. Disambiguation leads to naïve realism.

There’s a term in psychology that pairs well with disambiguation “naïve realism.” This is the certainty one feels when blind to the fact that you are disambiguating, meaning your interpretation doesn’t feel like an interpretation. Since subjectivity often feels like objectivity, naïve realism makes it seem as though the best way to change people’s minds is to show them the facts that support your view, because anyone else who has read the things you have read or seen the things you have seen will naturally see things your way, given that they’ve pondered the matter as thoughtfully as you have.

Therefore, you assume that anyone who disagrees with your conclusions probably just doesn’t have all the facts. If they did, they’d already be seeing the world as you do.This is why you continue to ineffectually copy and paste links from all of your most trusted sources when arguing points with those who seem misguided, crazy, uninformed, or plain wrong. The problem is that this is exactly the same approach that the other side thinks will work on you.

“Since subjectivity often feels like objectivity, naïve realism makes it seem as though the best way to change people’s minds is to show them the facts that support your view.”

Imagine attempting to reach the Moon with a ladder and, upon failing, giving up in frustration because now you believe the Moon is unreachable. When we use the wrong tools and approaches, the people on the other side of the issues we care about can seem impossible to reach. That’s why I used to avoid arguing about politics, superstitions, or conspiracy theories, but I changed my mind about how minds change (and how to change them) after meeting the experts and activists who not only showed me a better way, but also explained the science behind why it works.

5. No one is unreachable.

Even among the people who seem furthest away from what you consider the ground truth, change is a moonshot away once you understand the nature of resistance and the proper techniques to avoid it. The ability to change our minds, update our assumptions, and entertain other points of view is one of our greatest strengths. It is an evolved ability that comes free with every copy of the human brain. To leverage that strength, we must avoid debate and start by having conversations.

Debates have winners and losers, and no one wants to be a loser. But if both sides feel safe to explore their reasoning, to think about their own thinking, to explore their motivations, then we can each avoid the dead-end goal of winning an argument. Instead, we can pursue the shared goal of learning the truth.

“We must avoid debate and start having conversations. Debates have winners and losers, and no one wants to be a loser. But if both sides feel safe to explore their reasoning, to think about their own thinking, to explore their motivations, we can avoid the dead-end goal of winning the argument.”-David McRaney

Author Quote

Science journalist David McRaney shares 5 key insights from his new book, How Minds Change: The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion.

The Slight Edge outlines the importance of doing small, little improvements in our everyday life to achieve a successful bigger picture, and how by focusing more on making better day-by-day choices you can shape a remarkable future.Everybody wants to be successful. No matter the field you’re in, chances are you’d like to be known as a top performer, having a significant amount of wealth and a happy, fulfilling personal life. Seems like the perfect scenario, doesn’t it? But when daydreaming is over, are you willing to put in the work?

The Slight Edge – Book Summary

Many people fall into the trap of thinking that overnight success is feasible, when in fact, achieving excellence is often the result of many years of hard work and daily commitment. When you look at the bigger picture, it’s easy to get lost and feel like the gap between the start and the finish line is too wide.However, starting as soon as today will narrow it down and help you take charge of your life. The Slight Edge teaches you exactly how to do that by changing your mindset into adopting small, day-to-day changes in your life that will pay off in the long run.

<ul><li>The choices we make every day define our future.</li><li>Be in the top 5% of successful people by understanding The Slight Edge.</li><li>Learn the three-step goal-setting process that can help you stay on track.</li></ul>Now, let’s dive a little bit deeper into these lessons and see what they mean!

Here are my three favorite lessons from the book:

The philosophy behind The Slight Edge is that success is the result of repetitive productive actions over a consistent period. When you adopt this mindset, your actions have to follow immediately for them to work. Therefore, everything we do each day must coincide with our burning desire to achieve success.This is something that’ll occupy your mind even when you’re not actively aware of it, such as when you’re thinking about what you should eat, or when you choose to go to bed earlier instead of losing sleep. First, you have to choose your predominant state of mind.

Lesson 1: Every day we have to choose between success or failure

Either you have the blaming mindset or the winning mindset.The first category likes to play the victim, and blame their misfortune in life for their failures. The second type of people takes responsibility for their actions, especially when life throws challenges at them. You should aim to become more like the second type, and then examine your focus. Are you oriented toward the future or the past?

Instead of living in regret, you should take your past experiences and turn them into life lessons. The two sets of people differ not because life treated one better than the other, but because of how they chose to respond to it. Every day you have a choice between actively building a successful life, or staying right where you are.

It is estimated that only five percent of people achieve their goals in life. These people not only understand what The Slight Edge is all about, but they’re also willing to put in the work that 95% of their peers aren’t. Therefore, if you think that small everyday choices don’t make a difference in the long run, you’ll have to think again.What makes the difference between those who achieve their goals and those who don’t lie in our everyday choices? We can either do that 15 minutes workout, or we don’t. We can choose to eat a healthy meal for today or go for junk food.

Lesson 2: Learn to appreciate the invisible results of your work to achieve what 95% of people don’t

However, these small, day-to-day choices will eventually define our future.By the time you can observe that someone has a competitive edge over you, it becomes too late to catch up on them. That is because the mundane things which are part of a daily routine seem invisible while you’re doing them, but as they add up in time, they’re building your future. Successful people know and leverage this concept for their benefit.

In contrast, unsuccessful people live in the moment and go by the philosophy that what they’re doing at the moment doesn’t matter. Truth is, success is gradual, and so is failure. If you want to make your future self proud, you’ll have to do something about it in the present day, every day.

If you want to meet your goals, you need to be able to set them. Implementing the three-step goal-setting process can put you miles ahead of the game. It all starts with writing down your goals, then visualizing them daily, and developing an action plan.Write down your goals clearly and simply. Then, read them aloud. This helps cement the idea in your head and make sure they’re clear on paper (or computer screen). Writing down objectives is also proven to boost the chance of you achieving them and remembering them long term.

Lesson 3: Implementing the three-step goal-setting process can put you miles ahead of the game

Look at them daily: You should look at the list of goals every day—either right when you wake up or right before bed—and ask yourself if you’ve done anything toward those goals that day. If not, why not? What could you do differently tomorrow?Try making some small changes in your daily routine so that these small changes add up over time until they help you achieve those bigger goals! Some people find that vision boards help, as they’re always there to look at in times of distress or when you lack momentum.

Develop a plan: Once you’ve written down your goals, looked at them every day, and asked yourself why they haven’t been achieved yet, it’s time to develop a plan for moving forward with them! Set your end goal and then divide it into smaller chunks and bite-sized objectives.

The Slight Edge will give you all the right tools to start creating the life you desire. If you’re always stuck in your head, you find it hard to stick to a plan and follow a routine, or you fall for trends rather than keep on pursuing your objective, then this book is for you.Say goodbye to procrastination and learn to develop an excellent life by working on your mindset and then seeing your actions follow. Everyone knows that changing your life for the better starts from within, but not everyone knows the actionable steps they need to follow to make the change.

The Slight Edge – Book Review

This is where this book steps in by giving you a blueprint for your next stage in life. If you’re ready to make that change you’ve been waiting for, I strongly recommend this book.

The 30-year-old who is looking to adopt healthier habits and become more productive, the 40-year-old who feels stuck and wants to turn their life around, or the 28-year-old entrepreneur who wants to become successful and build a long-lasting business.

Who would I recommend The Slight Edge to?

“The truth is, what you do matters. What you do today matters. What you do every day matters. Sucessful people just do the things that seem to make no difference in the act of doing them and they do them over and over and over until the compound effect kicks in.”-Jeff Olsen

The Slight Edge outlines the importance of doing small, little improvements in our everyday life to achieve a successful bigger picture.

habits

Habits

The Slight Edge Summary

What is emotional intelligence? How do you improve yours? Why should you even care?Personally, I'm more likely to do things if they're easy. That's why I'm a big fan of the simplest emotional intelligence-improving idea I've ever come across: memorizing specific words and phrases that leverage emotions in positive ways to make it more likely you'll achieve your goals. Over time, these phrases become second-nature, you begin to notice why they work.

7 Smart Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Keep Saying Over and Over

It's sort of like learning phrases in a foreign language phonetically, only to realize after using them for a while that you better understand what they actually mean and how to spell them.Here are seven smart, simple, specific things that people with high emotional intelligence learn to say reflexively, over and over.

"Why" is a magic word. It's like a linguistic can opener that pries motivations free, and separates emotion from objectivity. <ul><li>"Why are we all competing to buy the same product?"</li><li>"Why am I working so hard on this one particular project?"</li><li>"Why am I so quick to respond when this demanding client asks something of me?"</li><li>"Why am I still working late nights and weekends, when my family would rather have me home?"</li><li>"Why is the person in that car yelling at me?"</li></ul>

1. "Let's think about why."

People who challenge themselves to ask this question over and over, both silently (to themselves) and out loud, are more likely to find the things that they're emotionally motivated to achieve, and to avoid the ones they don't.And when they find unhealthy emotions acting as the driving forces, they can look elsewhere.

Politeness costs nothing. But people with high emotional intelligence understand that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness in life, which can only leave people feeling good about those who express it to them.<ul><li>Bonus point no. 1: Find opportunities to end conversations with expressions of sincere, uncontroversial thanks. (Emphasis on "uncontroversial." Things like "Thank you for taking the time to talk," as opposed to "Thank you for coming around to my point of view.")</li></ul>

2. "Thank you." (Also "please" and "you're welcome.")

<ul><li>Bonus point no. 2: Saying "You're welcome," instead of more dismissive phrases like "No problem," acknowledges that you've done something for someone else that is worthy of gratitude. It's a trigger for positive reactions in others.</li></ul>They're such short phrases, and we use them all the time. But emotionally intelligent people do so intentionally--going into conversations looking for an opportunity to repeat them, because they learn how powerful they can be.

Yes, I listed this one next because it's the seeming opposite of the previous phrase. But, good fences make good neighbors, and healthy boundaries make for healthy relationships. In short, people with high emotional intelligence understand that saying no when they're offered something they don't really want, whether it's a business opportunity or an invitation or a flyer on the street, is a mark of respect to other people. It says you respect your time, and you're going to respect other people's as well.

3. "No, thank you."

There's a lot of power packed into these six words, and emotionally intelligent people appreciate why. First, no matter what happens after this sentence, you've signaled to someone else that you care to make the attempt to understand where they're coming from. You're not assuming you understand and you're not ignoring them. You're making the effort.Second, the fact that it's phrased as a question? Chef's kiss. There's emotional power in asking permission like this, and it likely gives you leeway as you articulate your understanding.

4. "Can I see if I understand?"

Finally, it's powerful because if you're asking to understand, you're not saying things that are less effective at building rapport; for example, summarily assuming "Look, I know how you feel."Whether we're talking about people's deep convictions, or their experiences -- or even the details of a supply they need to purchase, or driving directions -- everyone wants to be understood. But, most people also understand how difficult it is to do that, if you truly mean it.Anyway, ask the question like this, and then articulate what you think you understand as a test. You'll be amazed at the results.

Quick background on this one. People with high emotional intelligence understand that if you want someone to agree with you, or to choose the course of action you want them to follow, it makes sense to make it easy for them to do so.

5. "I make this mistake all the time ..."

It sounds basic, but this is the exact opposite of the way many people try to persuade others to do things: basically by brute force. Just imagine the emotional reaction you'd have to someone saying each of the following two things to you, and comparatively how likely you'd be to go along:<ul><li>Example no. 1: "I can't believe you were so foolish as to make this mistake! You need to fix it right now!"</li><li>Example no. 2: "I make this mistake all the time; it's so easy to miss. I wonder if you'd check and see if you might have done something similar."</li></ul>

See what I mean? Granted, "I make this mistake" is a bit of a placeholder phrase on this list; the point is to use your words to create emotional safety valves that make it easier for people to shed negative emotions in any situation, and simply act in your interest.Starting out by stating that you often make the very mistake you're about to discuss suggests that there's not an issue of moral failing or superiority here (warning: bad emotions!). You're just looking for answers.

If there's a person on this beautiful planet of ours who isn't flattered when asked to give their advice, I haven't met them. So, almost no matter what else you follow this question with, people with high emotional intelligence know that it's geared to trigger a warm response.But, there's actually a centuries-old technique attached to this, in that people are also hard-wired to want to be able to help others -- or at the very least, to know that they could help others if they wanted to. (Ben Franklin wrote about this phenomenon in the 1770s.)

6. "Can I ask for some advice?"

Bottom line, the request suggests that others have or know something you don't. Emotionally intelligent people know that increases pride, and interest, and maybe willingness to cooperate.<ul><li> (Bonus level on this one, the next time you see the same person? "I took your suggestion to ...")</li></ul>

We'll end with a phrase that's truly next-level, because it probably presages something negative, but it works anyway. In short, these six words can only be taken as a compliment, but they're very likely to be followed by something more difficult:<ul><li>"I expect a lot from you, but this time you came up short."</li><li>"I expect a lot from you, and that's why I'm so disappointed."</li><li>"I want you here because you're amazing, and I need to know I can rely on you."</li></ul>

7. "I expect a lot from you ..."

On Dax Shepherd's Armchair Expert podcast, Bill Gates once explained how this kind of approach was key to his leadership style at Microsoft. Actually, Gates used a slightly different phrase: "The reason you're here is because you're amazing."But, as you might expect, it was often followed with something like, "But, you're not meeting expectations at the moment." These kinds of phrases are designed to leverage other people's pride and even guilt, to get them to perform.

Actually, this is a great example to leave things on, because it illustrates how practicing emotional intelligence doesn't always mean being nice to people. That can be a great side-effect, but it's not the ultimate goal.

“There is no separation of mind and emotions; emotions, thinking, and learning are all linked.”-Eric Jensen

Emotional Intelligence Quote

7 Smart Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Repeat Over and Over

'Why is the person in that car yelling at me?'

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7 Smart Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Keep Saying Over and Over, and Why

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