How do you procrastinate? What are your triggers and distractions?

How do you procrastinate

What's the difference between procrastination As a behavior and as a n addiction. As humans it's natural to procrastinate but as an addiction you are dependent on this behavior to a level for this is the reason for your living.

Procrastination As an addiction.

"Procrastination addiction damages your ability to focus and self regulate"

Social media as an example gives you high frequency low effort dopamine spikes.

This becomes a problem as these high frequency, low effort, high dopamine actions or behaviors doesn't exist in real lif

What is success for you? Is it a job, business, getting in shape

How Do You Define Your Sucess

As a doctor the author explains how his job is not high frequency low effort dopamine hits. In real everyday life it is not possible to have these high frequency low effort dopamine that leads to success. The author further explains it's abnormal to have these high dopamine spikes every 30 seconds in real life

#1 Map out all distractions. #2 Remove all these distractions completely. If you procrastinate in anyway or feels "withdrawal " in anyway, you are addicted to procrastination.

How to Understand Your Procrastination Addiction?

This is not as ADHD which is neuro developmental disorder. Procrastination is more like an environmental behavioural issue. But smartphone or this inattention could trigger or even lead to this disorder. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8129617/#:~:text=21%20Depression%20has%20a%20significant,to%20poor%20attention%20and%20inhibition

This Is Not ADHD.

#1 remove your triggers and distractions #2 Do a dopamine detox #3 Mindful meditation.

What Are The Solutions

The author recommends 20-30 minutes/every day for 2-3 weeksto start seeing some benefit.

"Meditation Helps The Focus Muscle"

What is not this post? This is not a substitute for the video but hopefully you could know the idea than just understand it at the end of it?

Wondering what the iCanStudy program looks like once you join? Want to know if it’s right for you? Join our next free demo webinar to take control of your learning: https://bit.ly/49Zz8Is

Understanding your learner types gives you a head start in improving your learning efficiency. 
Take my free quiz to find your learner type and identify how your brain learns best. You'll get a PDF report based on your learning strengths and weaknesses: https://bit.ly/4d4K2yc
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Time stamps 
00:00 Intro 
00:35 What’s the difference?
03:15 The real problem 
04:42 How to know: Step 1 
05:19 How to know: Step 2
07:12 Is it different from ADHD? 
09:07 Solution step 1 
09:47 Solution step 2 
11:07 Solution step 3 

If you're new to the channel and want to know a little bit more about my story and what I do, then check out this TEDx talk I gave: https://youtu.be/TQXMl4GycD0

I also received the Dean's Award of Academic Excellence for being the top graduating student for the Master of Education at Monash University in 2022 (while only studying for a few weeks). Here is a video on how I did that: https://youtu.be/RJKNtXgo39o 
 
Interested in mind mapping? Then these videos might be for you: 
https://youtu.be/5zT_2aBP6vM
https://youtu.be/mHAhV8YIlks

Are you serious about academic success? If so, you should get a lot out of these videos:
https://youtu.be/RJKNtXgo39o
https://youtu.be/npALpfdatws

Up to your neck in flashcards and Anki but not getting the results everyone says you should be getting? Here is an apparently ‘controversial’ but super valuable (and PROPERLY evidence-based) take on Active Recall and Spaced Repetition (rather than the pseudo-evidence most ‘gurus’ regurgitate): 
https://youtu.be/--Hu2w0s72Y

Read my overview report on learning (referenced):
https://bit.ly/ReportOnLearning
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JOIN MY FREE DISCORD COMMUNITY!
Talk with thousands of other learners from around the world: https://bit.ly/JustinSungDiscord
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ABOUT DR JUSTIN SUNG
Justin is a former medical doctor, full-time learning coach and consultant, top 1% TEDx speaker, researcher, author, and learning skills lecturer at Monash University. Over the past decade, he has worked with over 10,000 learners from 120+ countries to learn with more confidence and control. He is the co-founder and head of learning at iCanStudy, an international training organisation for self-regulated higher-order learning.
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Learning skills training program: https://bit.ly/StudySkillsCourse
Instagram: https://bit.ly/drjustinsung
Facebook: https://bit.ly/JustinonFB
LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/JustinonLinkedIn
Twitter: https://bit.ly/JustinSungTwitter

productivity

Productivity

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

problemsolving

Problem Solving

timemanagement

Time Management

Justin Sung is a former medical doctor, full-time learning coach and consultant, top 1% TEDx speaker, education author, and social entrepreneur. He has an MBChB and BMedSci (Hons - First Class) from the University of Auckland, and an MEd from Monash University. He is invited to hold workshops and lectures at Monash University and the University of Auckland, as well as for various organisations around the world.

He is the co-founder and Head of Learning at iCanStudy. iCanStudy developed the world's first cognitive retraining program focused on enhancing self-regulated higher-order learning and deep processing. Over the past decade, he has worked with over 10,000 learners from ages 10 to 80+ in over 120 countries. In the 7 years prior, Justin worked in the non-profit education and mentoring space for disadvantaged students.

Justin sees himself as a research-practice bridge, helping to connect dedicated learners and educators with critical applications of the research.


Justin Sung

How to Beat Procrastination (with science)

Words can often be deceptive or misleading, but the body rarely lies. It unwittingly gives away clues about a person’s true feelings and intentions.From something as obvious as crossed arms indicating defensiveness or discomfort, to subtler cues like dilated pupils signaling interest or excitement, body language is a tell-tale sign of what’s really going on inside someone’s mind.Ever noticed a friend’s foot tapping impatiently during a conversation? Or an acquaintance avoiding eye contact during a chat? These are all elements of body language that provide deeper insights into their mindset.

Body language

In the world of people reading, body language is king.

I remember a time when I was having a conversation with a friend who kept mentioning how busy she was. She talked about her endless to-do lists and how there were never enough hours in the day.On the surface, it seemed like she was just venting, but with active listening, I was able to pick up on something more.Her voice had an undertone of exhaustion, and there was a hint of frustration every time she talked about her workload. She made subtle remarks about feeling undervalued and overlooked.That’s when I realized – she wasn’t just busy. She was overwhelmed and burnt out.

Active listening

Active listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about reading between the lines and understanding the underlying message.

The way a person speaks can be just as revealing as what they say. The tone, pitch, speed, and volume of someone’s voice can all give you insights into their state of mind and emotions.For example, a person speaking in a lower tone or slower pace may be feeling sad or depressed. On the other hand, rapid speech may indicate excitement, anxiety, or even deception.Another thing to note is the change in someone’s usual <a href="https://study.com/academy/lesson/the-style-of-a-speech.html">speaking style </a>. If you know someone well and they start speaking in a way that’s unusual for them, it could be a sign that something is off.

Tone and voice modulation can speak volumes

It’s all about tuning into the nuances and understanding what they signal. So, if you’re good at picking up these vocal cues, then you’re well on your way to becoming a pro at reading people.

Consider a time when someone was sharing a heartfelt story with you. You might have noticed their eyes welling up, their voice shaking, or even the way they clutched their hands together nervously.These <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-emotions-2795178">emotional responses </a>can tell you a lot about what they’re truly feeling. And if you’re able to not only notice these subtle signs but also respond to them with empathy and understanding, you’re truly mastering the art of reading people.

Emotional responsiveness is key

One of the most profound skills in reading people is recognizing their emotional responses. It’s about connecting on a deeper level , empathizing with what they’re experiencing.

Sometimes, it’s not just about reading what’s in front of you, but also noticing when things are different from the norm.I recall having a colleague who was usually the life of the party – always upbeat, always cheerful. But over time, I noticed a change. He became quieter, less energetic, and somehow distant.At first, I thought he was just having a few off days. But as the pattern continued, I realized that something was wrong. When I approached him about it, he confided in me about the personal issues he was dealing with.

Noticing changes in behavior

Noticing changes in behavior can be a powerful tool in understanding people better. It’s about being observant and sensitive to shifts in someone’s usual demeanor or habits.

Maybe you’ve met someone new and instantly felt a sense of unease, though they haven’t done anything wrong. Or perhaps, you’ve sensed tension in a room the moment you walked into it.These feelings don’t happen by accident. They’re your intuition picking up on subtle cues that your conscious mind might have missed.<a href="https://geediting.com/moments-in-life-when-you-should-listen-to-your-intuition-according-to-psychology/">Trusting your intuition </a>doesn’t mean jumping to conclusions without evidence. It’s about recognizing your initial feelings and then observing more closely for other signs or behaviors that confirm your instinct.

The power of intuition

Intuition can be your best ally when it comes to reading people. It’s that gut feeling you get about someone or something, even if you can’t quite put your finger on why. If you often find your gut feelings to be accurate, it’s a clear sign that you’re good at reading people. Trust these instincts, but always remember to balance them with logical reasoning and observation.

While all these signs and behaviors are essential in reading people, the most crucial thing to remember is the context. A person’s actions or responses can significantly vary depending on their cultural background, personal history, current environment, or even their mood that day. So, while it’s important to be observant and intuitive, it’s equally critical to consider the broader picture.

Understanding context is vital

Understanding the context can often make the difference between accurately reading someone and completely misjudging them.

We might not always get it right, and that’s okay. As humans, we’re complex beings full of contradictions. But the effort to understand one another, to tune into those subtle behaviors and silent signals, speaks volumes about our capacity for empathy . Being skilled at reading people isn’t just about decoding behaviors; it’s about reaching out, connecting, and understanding one another on a deeper level.

It's all about empathy

People reading isn’t a superpower or an elusive art known only to a select few. It’s rooted in our innate ability to empathize – to understand and share the feelings of others.

No matter how good you get at reading people, respect for their personal space and privacy is paramount. Use your skills to foster positive relationships and promote understanding – not to pry or manipulate.

IT'S ALL ABOUT EMPATHY!

mindfulness

Mindfulness

parenting

Parenting

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

If you recognize these 7 subtle behaviors, you’re an expert at reading people

Problems are different type of juices where the key ingredient is the lessons which upon filtering won't lead you to digest the same juice again.

The key takeaway of the quote above is this : when you are confronting a problem they're not just problems but lively lessons of life in disguise. And once you find the true form (lesson) you have the power to throw the external disguise away and forge a sheild to the same kind of problem. "If you extract the main ingredient away you can't drink the same juice (problem) again"

History Repeats, but Lessons Don't!

Well, relax. If you think you've learnt the lesson from a problem and still the same problem repeats itself, then your perception as 'The lesson' should be transformed into 'A lesson' . will you eat plain rice with interest? Nope. Likewise exist problems of life. You know how problems are! Are they boring like plain rice? Damn not they are a blend of splendid tasted which one can experience the true form of the utter disguise

Problems Repeat, Lessons Don

Use this as a framework on how to aspire optimal key ingredients from the juice you're given.<ul><li>Recall the whole issue from the beginning and hit the initial point and learn the cause Even if there is no fault of yours relate yourself with it so that you can extract the key ingredient</li><li>Think of 'If I did and did'nt do this I could've avoided this whole ruckus'. and implement it over the next course </li><li>Shift perspectives and imagine yourself as the person you're going to be giving advice upon. Provide and listen from your own perspective. </li></ul>

Don't Feel By Heart, Squeeze Your Brain

Yes, the lessons can be countless aswell. The number puts entire dependency upon your brain to assess as many as possible. If you don't agree with me, well wait until you witness off applying the principles or read thisYour partner promised you that they'll never leave you; but did. Here are the lessons<ol><li>Not all promises are real cuz you trust them</li><li>You can't absolutely know if they're trustworthy just bcuz you trust them</li><li>Never believe in promise of this kind, may it be a surprise at the end of your life ifbthey never left or feel happy that you were right if they left.</li><li>Change in person is constant!</li></ol>

It Can Be One, It Can Be One O One.

"You can't solve a problem with the mindset you had while you created them "

Life guve

philosophy

Philosophy

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

books

Books

Confront, Create, Crave

Are you held back by social anxiety? Here's how to overcome it:<ul><li>Bust negative thoughts about awkward situations</li><li>Practice small talk with friends/family before branching out</li><li>Join a club/group activity to ease into social interactions</li><li>Remember to breathe and be kind to yourself if things don't go perfectly</li></ul>

Embracing Awkwardness

With patience and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone, you can conquer social anxiety and thrive in social situations

Embracing Awkwardness: The Road to Overcoming Social Anxiety Through Desensitization Strategies

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

habits

Habits

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Embracing Awkwardness: Overcoming Social Anxiety

LAW 1 - NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTERLAW 2 - NEVER PUT TOO MUCH TRUST IN FRIENDS, LEARN HOW TO USE ENEMIESLAW 3 - CONCEAL YOUR INTENTIONSLAW 4 - ALWAYS SAY LESS THAN NECESSARYLAW 5 - SREPUTATION—GUARD IT WITH YOUR LIFELAW 6 - COURT ATTENTION AT ALL COSTLAW 7 - GET OTHERS TO DO THE WORK FOR YOU, BUT ALWAYS TAKE THE CREDITLAW 8 - MAKE OTHER PEOPLE COME TO YOU—USE BAIT IF NECESSARYLAW 9 - WIN THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS, NEVER THROUGH ARGUMENTLAW 10 - INFECTION: AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKYLAW 11 - LEARN TO KEEP PEOPLE DEPENDENT ON YOULAW 12 - USE SELECTIVE HONESTY AND GENEROSITY TO DISARM YOUR VICTIM

Volume 1

NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTERAlways make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please and impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite﻿—inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more﻿brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power﻿.

LAW 1

NEVER PUT TOO MUCH TRUST IN FRIENDS, LEARN HOW TO USE ENEMIES.Be wary of friends—they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

LAW 2

To have a good enemy, choose a friend: He knows where tostrike.

CONCEAL YOUR INTENTIONSKeep people of-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelop them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.

LAW 3

ALWAYS SAY LESS THAN NECESSARYWhen you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more yousay, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

LAW 4

Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener.

SO MUCH DEPENDS ON REPUTATION — GUARD IT WITH YOUR LIFEReputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputationalone you can intimidate and win; once it slips, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.

LAW 5

COURT ATTENTION AT ALL COSTEverything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious than the bland and timid masses.

LAW 6

It is easier to cope with a bad conscience than with a badreputation.

GET OTHERS TO DO THE WORK FOR YOU, BUT ALWAYS TAKE THE CREDITUse the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.

LAW 7

MAKE OTHER PEOPLE COME TO YOU—USE BAIT IF NECESSARYWhen you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with fabulous gains—then attack. You hold the cards.

LAW 8

When I have laid bait for deer,I don’t shoot at the first doe that comes to snif ,but wait until the whole herd has gathered round.

WIN THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS, NEVER THROUGH ARGUMENT Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

LAW 9

INFECTION: AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY You can die from someone else’s misery—emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

LAW 10

Thus a wise prince will think of ways to keep his citizens of every sort and under every circumstance dependent on the state and on him; and then they will always be trustworthy

LEARN TO KEEP PEOPLE DEPENDENT ON YOUTo maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do withoutyou.

LAW 11

USE SELECTIVE HONESTY AND GENEROSITY TO DISARM YOUR VICTIMOne sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will.

LAW 12

Everything turns gray when I don’t have at least one mark on the horizon. Life then seems empty and depressing. I cannot understand honest men. They lead desperate lives, full of boredom.

LAW 12 - USE SELECTIVE HONESTY ANDGENEROSITY TO DISARM YOUR VICTIMLAW 13 - WHEN ASKING FOR HELP, APPEAL TO PEOPLE’S SELF-INTERESTLAW 14 - POSE AS A FRIEND, WORK AS A SPYLAW 15 - CRUSH YOUR ENEMY TOTALLYLAW 16 - USE ABSENCE TO INCREASE RESPECT AND HONORLAW 17 - KEEP OTHERS IN SUSPENDED TERRORLAW 18 - DO NOT BUILD FORTRESSES TO PROTECT YOURSELFLAW 19 - KNOW WHO YOU’RE DEALING WITHLAW 20 - DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYONELAW 21 - PLAY A SUCKER TO CATCH A SUCKERLAW 22 - USE THE SURRENDER TACTICLAW 23 - CONCENTRATE YOUR FORCESLAW 24 - PLAY THE PERFECT COURTIER

Next Volume

The most important of these skills, and power’s crucial foundation, is the ability to master your emotions.

Amoral, cunning, ruthless, and instructive, this multi-million-copy New York Times bestseller is the definitive manual for anyone interested in gaining, observing, or defending against ultimate control – from the author of The Laws of Human Nature. In the book that People magazine proclaimed “beguiling” and “fascinating,” Robert Greene and Joost Elffers have distilled three thousand years of the history of power into 48 essential laws by drawing from the philosophies of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, and Carl Von Clausewitz and also from the lives of figures ranging from Henry Kissinger to P.T. Barnum.   Some laws teach the need for prudence (“Law 1: Never Outshine the Master”), others teach the value of confidence (“Law 28: Enter Action with Boldness”), and many recommend absolute self-preservation (“Law 15: Crush Your Enemy Totally”). Every law, though, has one thing in common: an interest in total domination. In a bold and arresting two-color package, The 48 Laws of Power is ideal whether your aim is conquest, self-defense, or simply to understand the rules of the game.

education

Learning & Education

Robert Greene is an American author of books on strategy, power, and seduction. He has written six international bestsellers, including The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War, The 50th Law, Mastery, and The Laws of Human Nature.

Robert Greene

The 48 Laws of Power

Despite his negative reputation, Severus Snape from Harry Potter is a hero in his own right because of:• His unwavering love and loyalty towards his childhood friend, Lily.• His constant protection and care for her, and her son even in secret.• The sincerity and depth of his love for her, even after her death.One of Snape's most defining moments is when he reveals his true feelings for Lily, saying, "always." This shows that he will always remember her, even after she gets married to another person and even after her death, making him a truly genuine and complex character.﻿

1. Severus Snape

- A loyal friend who showed great love and sacrifice for his loved ones- His unwavering loyalty and love for friends was admirable. -He was a true well-wisher, even at the cost of his own life.

2. Sirus Black

Dobby was a loyal house-elf who always followed his master's orders, even if they were cruel. - Despite this, he yearned for true love and freedom in his heart. - In the end, he made the ultimate sacrifice for the one he truly cared for. 💔

3.Dobby, The loyal house-elf:

- Hagrid is a loyal and supportive friend.- He is kind and protective towards his loved ones.- Hagrid's passion for animals is truly inspiring.- His whole heart belongs to magical creatures like dragons, unicorns, and hippogriffs.He is often seen in Hogwarts with his half-giant stature, and his love for animals is pure and admirable.Hagrid never keeps secrets, which became an advantage for Harry and his friends and always stands up for what's right. He is a wonderful friend to have by your side.

4.Hagrid:

What We Can Learn from Harry PotterLesson 1: True Friendship -Harry Potter is a true friend who is willing to sacrifice anything for his loved ones. -His friendship with Ron and Hermione teaches us the importance of loyalty and selflessness.Lesson 2: Patience and Emotional Stability-Throughout his journey, Harry faces numerous challenges and setbacks.-However, he remains patient and emotionally stable, which helps him overcome these obstacles.

5.Harry Potter:

List of my most favourite characters in Harry Potter.

Harry Potter 

Something that science has been confirming to us, and something that people often learn in therapy, is that we have more power to influence our emotions as we thought we have.

Our mood is not only influenced by our thoughts – yes, they might contribute to a low mood but they are not the only influence. Our mood is mainly made up by our thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and our behaviour.It is hard to notice them separately but that it is exactly what we can do to deal with low mood: Break down how you feel into what thoughts you have, what emotions you feel, what your senses experience and how you were and are behaving. Then, you can pick one or a few of these things and change them.

Understanding Low Mood

When we experience low mood, it may have been influenced by several factors from our internal and external world, but when we understand what those influences are, we can use that knowledge to shift it in the direction we want it to go.

When dealing with mood, it is essential to remember that it is not all in your head. It’s also in your body state, your relationships, your past and present, your living conditions and lifestyle. It’s in everything you do and don’t do, in your diet and your thoughts, your movements and memories. How you feel is not simply a product of your brain.

We can’t just press a button and produce our desired set of emotions for the day. But we do know that how we feel is closely intertwined with the state of our body, the thoughts we spend time with and our actions. Those other parts of our experience are the ones that we can influence and change.

We often spiral into even more negative mood states because when feeling low, we often lack the energy to perform our favourite activities that delight us. Hence, after a certain period of time, we end up feeling worse. Engaging in activities that give us instant relief, such as scrolling through social media, are just as harmful.Reflect on how you deal with certain emotions and whether or not these coping strategies are actually helpful.

Breaking Low Mood Cycles

Thoughts influence our mood and our mood influences our thoughts, which is why we are even more prone to biased thinking when feeling low:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Mind-reading: Making assumptions about thoughts and feelings of other people.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Egocentric thinking: Thinking that everyone shares the same values etc. as you do and judging based on that assumption.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Emotional reasoning: Thinking that because you feel a certain way, it must be true.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Musts/shoulds: Having unrealistic expectations.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">All-or-nothing thinking: Thinking in extremes.</li></ul>

Thought Biases

Reflect on past moments that were good or bad. Do you recognise any of these biases?By reflecting on past moments regularly, with times it becomes easier to notice thought biases in the very moment they occur. With that comes the power to recognise that they are not facts but simply biases – they might not be true. You don’t have to find an answer, in fact, there might not even be one, so learn to be okay with not knowing.

Dealing With Thought Biases

“If we can acknowledge that each of our thoughts presents just one possible idea among many, then we open ourselves up to the possibility of considering others.”

It is almost impossible to control what thoughts arrive at your brain, but you can control how much attention you give them. Trying not to think about something is counterproductive. Instead, choose how long you want to stay with each thought.Metacognition (thinking about thinking) helps to create distance between you and your thoughts. With that, you can analyse them and think of where you would rather want them to go.When noticing any thought spirals and rumination, say stop, get up and move around a little. Practicing mindfulness and gratitude help with moving your attention consciously.

Controlling Your Thougths

“The power of any thought is in how much we buy into it. How much we believe it to be true and meaningful.”

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Be compassionate with yourself and speak to yourself as you would to a friend.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">When feeling low, it is hard to make decisions, so don’t try to make the perfect ones and instead try to make “good enough” decisions. Smalls steps help you in the long run and build a habit.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">When analysing your emotions and problems, always think about the direction you want to take. Focus on where you want to go and how you might get there. What would you feel, how would you think and behave, what would your physical sensations be?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Focus on mental health basics such as exercise, sleep, diet and social interaction.</li></ul>

How To Deal With Bad Days

There are two types of having no motivation:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Procrastination: Avoiding something because it is associated with stress and discomfort.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Anhedonia: No longer enjoying activities you used to enjoy. It is associated with depression.</li></ul>You can increase motivation by:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Physical movement, even if it is just a little.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Remembering your goals and staying connected with them.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Focusing on small but consistent progress and habits, instead of big goals that are hard to keep up with.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Learning how to rest and relax.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Changing how you think about failure and treating yourself with compassion.</li></ul>

Motivation

“Once you sustain the habit of prioritizing your healthy behaviours, they will sustain you.”

“Science tells us about the things that work for most people. But the detail you can establish from looking at your own life with curiosity adds significant value.”

“If something matters to you and could benefit your health, don’t wait until you feel like it – do it anyway.”

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">When an emotion tells you to not do an actions that aligns with your values, do the opposite of what the emotion suggests.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Build a habit: Make it simple, adjust your environment, make clear plans, reward yourself, know why you want the change.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Break bigger goals down into small steps. Take time to rest and recharge.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Pre-plan what you will do in hard situations that trigger you.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Know who you want to be and how you want your life to look like. What decisions would you have made?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Figure out the pros and cons of both the change you want to and of changing nothing.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Reflect on your past.</li></ul>

Doing Things You Don't Want To Do

"The more we repeat an action the easier it becomes for the brain to do it with less effort in the future.”

“Repeat a behaviour enough times and it will become a habit.”

“The most effective way to solve a problem is to understand the problem inside out.”

“You cannot change what you cannot make sense of.”

Emotions are neither good nor bad. They aren’t facts but simply a possible perspective. Don't push them away, as this will lead to worse problems in the long run. Instead, ask yourself curiously what this emotion is trying to tell you.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Soothe yourself using tools that make you feel safe: You can create a little box with pictures of loved ones, a bag of tea, a book etc. that you can turn to.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Name the emotion specifically: Use a feeling wheel such as then one from Wilcox (1982) to find out what exactly you are feeling. If you don’t find a name, create your own name.</li></ul>

Dealing With Emotion

“You are not your feelings and your feelings are not who you are.”

“If there is something emotions are useful for, it’s telling us what we need.”

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Show that you care. Listen closely, ask open questions. Don’t give advice unless they ask for it. Help them by cooking a meal etc.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">They usually have an idea of what they need, ask them how they would like to be supported.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Take care of yourself. Have a space where you can express your own thoughts and meet your needs. Set boundaries.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Create a crisis plan so that you and the person struggling know what to do in a specific situation.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">If they have a diagnosis, learn more about it. There will be ups and downs in their healing journey. Seek professional help.</li></ul>

How To Support Someone

There are five stages of grief:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Denial: Denying the situation, saying it is just temporary.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Anger: Being angry at the person, situation or the unfairness of our world. It is associates with pain or fear, so look at what might be really going on. Perfom physical activities.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Bargaining: Ruminating about “what if" and things you could have done better.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Depression: Feeling sad and empty. This is part of the process. Don't surpress it. Feel and soothe your way through it.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Acceptance: Starting to accept the sitaution. You might not agree with it but you open yourself up to new things.</li></ul>

Stages Of Grief (Kubler-Ross, 1969)

William Worden (2011) described four tasks of mourning:<ol><li class="ql-align-justify">Accept the new reality after the loss: It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Have no expectation about how you should be feeling or healing.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Work through the pain of grief: Don’t push the emotions away and instead try to express them.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Adjust to an environment with the loved one missing:  Take small steps and build a life around the loss.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Find a way to stay connected to them while also engaging with life as it is now: It is possible to remember the loved one and continue living at the same time.</li></ol>

The Tasks Of Mourning

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Continue to have a relationship with the person you have lost.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Build a relationship with yourself. Focus on the feelings and sensations in your body to build awareness. Listen to your needs.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Express the grief in a way that you feel comfortable with.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Take as much time as you need.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Set boundaries with the people around you.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Create a routine and bring a little structure into your day. Take care of your mind and your body through exercise, diet, sleep etc.</li></ul>

Pillars Of Strength (Samuel, 2017)

Criticism and disapproval often have nothing to do with who you are as a person. People are often critical with others because they are highly critical with themselves. Learning how to deal with criticism healthily can be a crucial skill.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Shift your mindset around failure: Use it as an opportunity to grow and improve.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Let go of criticism that reflect the values of others but that are not aligned with your own. Identify whose opinions matter most.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Understand that people often are more focused on themselves as they are on you. This is called the spotlight effect (Gilovich & Savitsky, 2000)</li></ul>

Dealing With Criticism

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Know what triggers shame in you. You might have linked these things to your self-worth. However, your self-worth is not dependent on you being perfect and never making mistakes.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Reality-check the criticism. Understand that these might be just opinions and not facts. Look at your behaviour and evaluate.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Talk to yourself in a way that lifts you up instead of destroying your self-worth. It is okay and normal to make mistakes You always have a chance to improve and do better.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Talk about the shame itself. Silence intensifies shame while expressing it can minimise feelings of shame.</li></ul>

Dealing With Shame

Saying that you don’t care what anyone thinks is not the way to go, as it displays insecurities rather than understanding that we are wired to care about what other people think. Understand whose opinions you value and whose opinions you care less about.Understand who you are and who you want to be. What are your values, dreams and goals? When knowing these, you will also know which criticism to take and which to let go of.Don’t be your own critic, instead love yourself through the process. Speak to yourself compassionately.

Understanding Yourself

Building confidence requires taking action you are uncomfortable with.We have a comfort, stretch and panic zone (Luckner & Nadler, 1991). In your comfort zone, it is unlikely to develop confidence and leaning into your panic zone is not necessary. Your stretch zone is where you should lean into.Write down a situation you would feel most uncomfortable in. Identify a similar situation that is less scary. Go on until you find a situation that is slightly out of your comfort zone. Start there and build yourself all the way up step by step. Be uncomfortable for a while, then go back to safety.

Building Confidence

“Confident is not the same as being comfortable. One of the biggest misconceptions about becoming self-confident is that it means living fearlessly. The key to building confidence is quite the opposite. It means we are willing to let fear be present as we do the things that matter to us.”

“To build confidence, go where you have none. Repeat every day and watch your confidence develop.”

Confidence is not really built by speaking positive affirmations. When having low self-esteem and speaking affirmations, you might even end up feeling worse (Wood et al., 2009), as you automatically find reasons to why the affirmations aren’t true.How you talk to yourself still matters though. Hence, it is better to talk to yourself in a compassionate way as a coach would talk to an athlete: They are honest with the athlete but still encouraging.

Affirmations Vs. Compassionate Self-Talk

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Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

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