Take driving, for example. At first, you'll be nervous, but with deliberate practice guided by a tutor, you'll get better. When you reach a base level of competence and pass a test, you'll get your license and be on the road. But for years, you'd find you haven't really gotten better at driving. You only reached a base level of competence that will get you by and that's it. The same goes for writing. School teaches us how to write until we reach a certain level of competence. But we don't get better by practicing what we already know. And that's because we are hard-wired to avoid pain.

We learn a new skill just enough to become competent.

Getting better at something means we have to know what to improve on and work on that. But It's in our nature to avoid pain. And getting better at something sure sounds like it would require a lot from us.So we resort to practicing what we already know, shying away from what we don't know that would make us be better.

We are hardwired to avoid pain.

So instead of practicing what you already know, you'd be practicing on areas you need to improve. But to do that:<ul><li> You first need to switch your perspective and see yourself through the eyes of others. This would help you recognize the areas you need to improve on.</li><li>Set aside dedicated time to work on the specific area you need to improve on.</li><li>You need feedback. Feedback from an expert, for example, will help you gauge your improvement because they know what the next level looks like. </li></ul>

But with deliberate practice, you get better.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

habits

Habits

education

Learning & Education

problemsolving

Problem Solving

timemanagement

Time Management

The Seductive Path of Good Enough

Are you having a hard time saying 'no' to things that you either didn’t want to do, or truly couldn’t doSo you either say 'yes' and end up feeling miserable for being a pushover; or you say 'no' and feel guilty about it.How do you say 'no' and not feel bad about saying it. First, understand why you feel bad turning someone down.<ul><li>Saying no may feel like you're rejecting the person</li><li>You may feel like the bad guy and feel guilty</li><li>People pleasing</li><li>You may feel you won't be liked or will be perceived as cold and uncaring. </li><li>If you do say no, you suck at it that it comes with so many excuses</li></ul>

How To Say 'No'

1. Just Say it.Just come out and say it. Beating around the bush or offering weak excuses will only give the other person a chance to insist. It will be tempting to follow up your no with excuses when you're uncomfortable,but resist the urge. You may only give a brief explanation if you feel you need to let the other person know. 2. Be polite but assertiveUse an approach that's polite but puts you in chargeYou can say, "I'm sorry I can't right now but I'll let you know when and if I can." By changing the dynamic you're telling people that only you can decide if and when it will happen.

So How Do You effectively say  'No'

3. Be wary of other people's tactics to get you to say 'yes'.Many people and organizations use manipulation techniques, knowingly or unknowingly: insurance, cable subscriptions etc4. Take the time to evaluate and understand your role in the relationship. When you truly understand the dynamic and your role, you won't feel as worried about the consequences and you would be able to find the best way to say no.

5. Put the question back on the person asking.This is very effective in a work situation. When a supervisor asks you to take on more than you can handle. You can say, "I'm happy to do task X, Y, and Z; however, I would need 3 weeks, rather than 2 to do a good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?"6. Do yourself a favor. Be firm and know their true colorsIf someone can't accept your 'no', take a hint and know that that person is probably not a true friend or doesn't respect you enough that they would put their needs before yours. Stand firm, and don't feel compelled to give in.

7. Identify YOUR own 'YES'When you say 'yes' to something you’re saying 'no' to something elseidentify the things in your life that you value most so when something comes along, you are more likely to honor the things most important to you and say 'no' to everything else. For example: My priorities:<ul><li>Time for myself — sleep, watching tv shows that light me up</li><li>Time with my husband and 2 cats— travels, eating together, doing nothing together</li><li>Getting my business up and running</li></ul>Being a pushover and saying yes to whatever other people ask me to do will leave me saying no to myself and my priorities.

8. Add some good vibes if you still find it hard to say noIt would take time to totally shake off the habit. Instead of saying 'no' right off the bat, it might be a lot easier to lead with good vibes or sandwich the 'no' between 2 good vibes.Leading with good vibes:“I would love to go to the movies with you guys but I can’t tonight.” The good vibes sandwhich(good vibes 1) I would love to go to the party with you guys(The 'No') but I can’t tonight (the 'No')(Good vibes 2) I hope you guys have a fun time, it’s suppose to be a beautiful night!” (good vibes)

The only way to get better at saying no, is to start saying no and to keep doing it. It gets easier over time.

Keep Saying 'No'. It Gets Easier

Learn to say no without explaining yourself. Check out the 7 steps to honoring your most important yes! Saying no isn't hard, it just takes practice.

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

How to Say No, No Explaination

Language is generative, and the way we talk about our meetings comes to define what happens in those meetings.Even at a time when so much is beyond our control, we remain in control of our own speech patterns. And so, as leaders and employees continue to rethink what the modern workplace should look like, including how we gather, perhaps it’s an opportune moment to banish certain phrases from the “meeting-speak” lexicon.Here are some of the responses that resonated the most.

Banish Certain Phrases

Often among the first words uttered by an online meeting host, this practice dishonors the time of those who joined on time and does nothing to establish a culture of punctuality for meetings. What the author recommends:Ask everyone to write down their intention or objective for the meeting. This isn’t something that will be shared publicly, but the practice of thinking about one’s objectives before a meeting begins can be grounding.

We’re going to wait five minutes for everyone to join.

To be sure, these words quickly signal that a speaker needs to click the unmute button. But the phrase — often uttered by multiple people at once — has become notoriously grating. It also makes the person on the receiving end of the comment feel silly.What the author recommends:A colleague of mine suggests the gentler, more affirming, “If you’re speaking, I can’t hear you.” Instead of making the silent speaker feel silly, this reframing shows them that you truly want to hear what it is they have to say.

You’re on mute.

Without a clear, quick mention of how and when this “offline” conversation will take place, this is a jargony way to dismiss someone’s idea and put them off indefinitely. What the author recommends:Why not go with something like this: “That’s an important topic that’s beyond the scope of this meeting. I’ll email you when we wrap up.”

Let’s take this offline.

This is not to say that the author is opposed to meetings that end early. But if they’re well-structured, well-run, and surprisingly concise, we should celebrate the fruits of our collaboration and look forward to our next gathering.What the author recommends: Consider saying, “Wow. Because everyone was so productive, we’re done 10 minutes early. Thank you so much for your presence and participation. Have a great day.” This simple rephrasing has the power to reframe your work.

I’m going to give you 10 minutes of your life back.

<ul><li>We’re going to wait five minutes for everyone to join.</li><li>You’re on mute.</li><li>We’re building the plane while flying it.</li><li>Let’s take this offline.</li><li>I’m going to give you 10 minutes of your life back.</li></ul>

In Brief

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

teamwork

Teamwork

Please Stop Using These Phrases in Meetings

When you wake up in the morning, don’t jump out of bed for your workout immediately, or drag yourself to the washroom. Sit up straight, relax, and close your eyes. Say to yourself, “I am grateful for those who support me, believe in me, and are always there for me.” Say this with a deep breath in between each time you say it, for a full five minutes.
When you open your eyes and look at everything around you—keep that moment of gratitude with you, throughout your day, reminding yourself how you can’t wait to get home to your loving family.

Morning Gratitude

Begin your day by stretching with your family and doing some physical activity together. 
All you need is 10 minutes. You’ve accomplished a two-for-one: physical activity and family time!

Workout Partners

On your shared streaming service, make a playlist of your family’s favorite music. When you take a break at work or feel a negative moment getting the best of you, listen to that music, think about your family, and regain your focus. 
Music is a powerful voice and has the ability to affect our mindset. Your family playlist will energize you and improve your mood.

A Family Playlist

At least once a day, call or text your significant other or your kids and repeat Stevie Wonder: “I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care.” 
Let your family know they are always in your thoughts. Even in the face of a big deadline or an important meeting, that moment will relax you and make your family smile!

Daily Phone Call

Discuss with your boss his/her expectations of you in regards to your time and your position to foster a mutual and clear understanding of your role. 
Should your role involve evening/weekend hours, and tasks such as answering emails, working from home, or extra time needed for special projects, establish a strategy and discuss with your boss how to meet these expectations so you don’t feel overwhelmed and pulled between your family and your job.

Clarify Your Work Hours & Expectations

It’s common for colleagues to hang out after work. Say yes when your significant other and/or kids are also busy. This will balance things out more. 
There are times to have beers with colleagues, but there are also times to go home, relax, watch a movie, and simply have fun with your family.

Socializing At Work

We all deal with a lot at work and at times might get irritated or annoyed. Remember you are a human being, not a robot, and thus it’s acceptable to have a buffer moment for these feelings. 
Take a deep breath, zone into your happy place that involves your family, think about how your energy can be used towards something else, and move on.

Buffer Moment

Allocate the last half-hour of your day to do the following and leave the office at 5:30/6:00 p.m.:<ul><li>For two minutes, take deep breaths, in and out, looking away from your desk, feeling the moment of gratitude you felt in the morning. </li><li>Organize your emails based on what is to be reviewed, what requires follow-up, and what needs a response after your breakfast/snack/meal. </li><li>Write out your to-do list, priorities, goals, and key items for the next day.</li><li>Double-check that you have a water bottle and healthy desk snacks.</li></ul>

Winding Up The Day

At the dinner table, leave your phone and turn off the TV. 
Focus on your family, not on work, and use this as a time to bring all your energy, your aura, and your being in the moment with the people who support and believe in what you do, and love you for the ability to do what you do.

Phone And TV-Free Dinner

Keep a two-week work diary: try to track every fifteen minutes of your work time. After that, analyze for, and attack, any inefficiencies! This will import balance in your day and yield a well-deserved coffee break, a breath of fresh air, and time to make your daily family phone call!Does email control you and take you away from your priority list, and thus your work-life balance? Organizational skills are an important factor in how you balance your day, affecting your work-life balance. Get organized and get happy! You'll find that work-life balance sooner than you think.

Your Work Journal

Balancing a career and family is a common concern for most individuals. However, it's important to realize the smallest of changes can produce the strongest of impacts.

productivity

Productivity

career

Career

10 Tips For Balancing Career And Family

It’s easy: If a task takes less than a minute to complete, encourage yourself to do it on the spot. Recycle the junk mail, hang up your coat, respond to that text, close the silverware drawer, screw the lid on the peanut butter. Most of these mundane chores take mere seconds, but when compounded onto each other, they can quickly feel overwhelming. “I’ll do it tomorrow” turns into another “I’ll do it tomorrow” and then “What’s one more day?” Don’t even think about it. Do it now.

2. Enforce a one-minute rule.

Today's post includes 10 tried-and-true micro-habits that’ll have you feeling more organized and in control in a wildly unruly world.

10 Micro-Habits That Will Transform Your Life | Wit & Delight

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">At the beginning of the day:</li></ul> “What am I optimizing for?”<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">During the day:</li></ul> “What's the best small thing I can do right now?”<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">​At the end of the day:</li></ul> “Did I do my best?"

3 simple questions to improve your day.

“The person who gets 1 shot needs everything to go right.The person who gets 1000 shots is going to score at some point.Find a way to play the game that ensures you get a lot of shots.”

“People often think it's weird to get hyped about reading one page or meditating for one minute or making one sales call. But the point is not to do one thing. The point is to master the habit of showing up. The truth is, a habit must be established before it can be improved. If you can't learn the basic skill of showing up, then you have little hope of mastering the finer details. Instead of trying to engineer a perfect habit from the start, do the easy thing on a more consistent basis. You have to standardize before you can optimize.”

Excerpt From Atomic Habits

“There is no formula for success—you just begin and then you continue. I’m often asked how to have a career in stand-up and the answer is confoundingly simple: Do the work. Over and over again, just do the work. After you build the courage to get onstage that first time, it’s all about repetition.”

“It is wonderful how much work can be got through in a day, if we go by the rule—map out our time, divide it off, and take up one thing regularly after another. To drift through our work, or to rush through it in a helter-skelter fashion, ends in comparatively little being done. “One thing at a time” will always perform a better day's work than doing two or three things at a time. By following this rule, one person will do more in a day than another does in a week.”

If you know what you want, why are you waiting?

1 Question For You

3-2-1: Productivity, success, and 3 simple questions to improve your day

The Stoics were known for having good habits and self-discipline.The Stoics understood that first you make your habits, but then your habits make you. Once set in place, your habits shape your character and quality of life. This can work for you or against you — depending on the quality of your habits.

Stoics

“Truth is, how you spend your time is how you spend your life. So, if you want to be in control of your life, get in control of your time.The Stoics were very intentional with their time, as they understood the value of time. They understood that you could always make more money, but you can never make more time. Once a day is gone, it’s gone for good.

Manage Your Time

“It’s not at all that we have too short a time to live, but that we squander a great deal of it. Life is long enough, and it’s given in sufficient measure to do many great things if we spend it well.”

“People are frugal in guarding their personal property; but as soon as it comes to squandering time they are most wasteful of the one thing in which it is right to be stingy.”

For the majority of people, most of the stuff they’ve acquired is collecting dust somewhere in their homes as it’s hardly being used. All it did was cost money, occupy space, and took up Earth’s resources in the production- and transportation process.Nevertheless, consumer culture wants you to believe you need more stuff, better stuff, and more expensive stuff to feel happy and confident.Truth is, freedom is the highest degree of wealth — not luxury items.

Practice Minimalism

“Until we have begun to go without them, we fail to realise how unnecessary many things are. We’ve been using them not because we needed them but because we had them.”

“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants."

Walking is underrated. Not only does it contribute to greater health, but it also clears the mind and sparks creativity. The Stoics would regularly go on long walks by themselves to sort out their thoughts.I recommend you go on walks by yourself, without any forms of input (no music, audiobooks, social media, etc.). Just be with yourself, your thoughts, and the fresh air. It will put life in perspective.

Walk Often

“Only thoughts won by walking are valuable.”

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Through reading books, we can learn from others who have walked the path before us, so we don’t have to make the same mistakes and face the same obstacles.The Stoics read a lot because they understood it was the most efficient way of learning and developing themselves. You can gain the wisdom someone spent a lifetime to acquire (through trial and error) in just a few days merely by reading the books they wrote.Make reading a daily habit, and your life will change.

Read Often

“Progress is not achieved by luck or accident, but by working on yourself daily.”

There is great power in being by yourself for an entire day — no one there to influence or entertain you.When it’s just you and your thoughts, great things can happen. You can put your life in perspective, gain fresh new ideas, and sort out your thoughts. This is nearly impossible when you’re constantly surrounded by other people.Practicing solitude is something most people find challenging. Even when they’re alone, they seek other people’s presence by going on social media.

Practice Solitude

“People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills. There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.”

“Solitude is a state in which the mind is free from input from other minds.”

<ul><li>Manage your time</li><li>Practice Minimalism</li><li>Walk often</li><li>Read often</li><li>Practice Solitude</li></ul>

Increase your productivity, wealth and happiness . 

This is why Marcus Aurelius ruled over the largest empire on earth, Epictetus triumphed over slavery, Seneca became the greatest writer of his era, and Cato led his troops to victory. The Stoics…

5 Stoic Habits For Increased Productivity, Wealth & Happiness

Let’s begin with the 5 Second Rule. It was presented by Mel Robbins in her book of the same name. In Robbins’ own words :If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it.This is how it works:i- Start counting backward from 5 to 1(5,4,3,2,1).ii- As soon as you hit 1, push yourself to take action.Actually, this method is kind of a brain hack in which you trick your mind into starting a task. Counting backward till 1 has a psychological effect and it forces our mind to take action.

1. 5 Second Rule

On the second spot, we have the 2 Minute Rule. It was introduced by David Allen in his famous book Getting Things Done.It states that:If an action will take less than two minutes, it should be done at the moment it’s defined.In simple words, if a pending task takes less than two minutes to complete, you should start it now. It may appear that this rule only works with smaller tasks. Some examples of the 2 Minute Rule in action:i- Text a loved oneii- Reply to an emailiii- Clean your deskiv- Book an appointment

2. 2 Minute Rule
On the second spot we have the 2 Minute Rule. It was introduced by David Allen in his famous book Getting Thing

Eisenhower Matrix was coined by Dwight D. Eisenhower who was the 34th President of the United States. This is a graphical method where you divide all of your tasks into four quadrants.First Quadrant: Do itTasks that are urgent and importantSecond Quadrant: Schedule itTasks that are important but not urgentThird Quadrant: Delegate itTasks that are urgent but not importantFourth Quadrant: Delete itTasks that are neither urgent nor important

3. Eisenhower Matrix

In this method, you divide your tasks into blocks of time. Each block is dedicated to completing a specific task or groups of tasks. In this technique prioritizing is of utmost importance.For example:From 9:00–9:30, you will check and reply to emailsThen comes 10 minutes break.Then from 9:40 to 10:00, you will write your college essaySo on and so forth.Author Cal Newport in his famous book Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World states:A 40 hour time-blocked work week, I estimate, produces the same amount of output as a 60+ hour work week pursued without structure.

4. Time Blocking

Pomodoro Technique is a popular yet simple method to remain focused on the tasks at hand.This is how it works:Pick a task you want to complete.Set a timer for 25 minutesStart working on that task. Keep working until the timer rings.Take a 5–10 minute break.Set the timer again and so on.These days, there are many mobile and desktop apps available that are specifically designed for Pomodoro Technique

5. Pomodoro Technique

Let’s begin with the 5 Second Rule. It was presented by Mel Robbins in her book of the same name. In Robbins’ own words : Actually, this method is kind of a brain hack in which you trick your mind…

Five Best Productivity Hacks of All Time

Time-shifting can be a wonderful thing. I talked last year about <a href="https://www.mickmel.com/time-shifting-and-clubhouse/">how time-shifting is so helpful for entertainment and communication</a>, which is why I suspected Clubhouse might have trouble staying relevant.There’s another angle to be considered, and that’s time-shifting your effort.

Time-shifting your effort

Part of this is pretty obvious, when you schedule your work around various other priorities and focus when it’s time to focus. If you have an information-oriented job, it’s often pretty easy to slide around your workload to fit your schedule.However, looking ahead can help a bit more and I’ve seen this come up in two ways.

Effort

The first is the weekly preview. My routines can vary a little bit, but <a href="https://www.mickmel.com/weekly-previews-are-intentionally-inefficient/">I haven’t missed a weekly preview in a few years now</a>. Some are more in-depth and some are rushed, but they always get done.The beauty of these are to identify issues well in advance, because solving them the day they arise can be way more difficult. For example, if my wife and I both have a meeting at 3:00 one afternoon, neither of us can pick up our daughter from school. If we discover the overlap a week early, we can adjust schedules or find a friend to help. If we discover the issue at 2:55 that day, it’s a big problem.

Weekly

The second is just looking at the day ahead. A few days ago, I knew I’d have a busy Saturday morning running some errands, and I wasn’t sure the best route to get from one to the next. Complicating things further is that they weren’t easy things to just look up the address for (one was a weekly vegetable pickup, the other was an emissions test I needed at a place I didn’t know the name of).In this case, I looked them up the night before and put the events (and addresses!) in my calendar. When I hopped in the car, Android Auto knew where I needed to be next and it was one tap from stop to stop.

Daily

In both cases, I time-shifted my effort back to an earlier time in order to help future me have an easier time with things. I’m not always good about seeing those issues in advance, but the weekly preview really helps expose a lot of them, and then being wise enough to take the time then to solve them is something I never regret. 

Time-shifting can be a wonderful thing. I talked last year about how time-shifting is so helpful for entertainment and communication, which is why I suspected Clubhouse might have trouble staying relevant. There's another angle to be considered, and that's time-shifting your effort. Effort Part of this is pretty obvious, when…

Motivation works well in the short-term. If you set a new goal, you can probably summon up the motivation to pursue it earnestly for a week or two. But motivation wanes. If your goal takes more than a month or two, you’re going to need more than just motivation. You’re going to need habits.Habit-building methods are great because they translate that short-term motivation into something more durable. If you invest in consistent routines, with triggers, rewards and punishments, you can stabilize that motivation into systematic output.

Habit Formation

This transition from motivated bursts to stable habits is often so powerful that people who’ve never tried it before become proselytizing converts.I know many <a href="http://zenhabits.net/">bloggers </a><a href="http://www.stevepavlina.com/">that </a><a href="http://jamesclear.com/">built </a>their initial audiences on habit forming. Part of that is because habits are a popular topic. But I suspect the real reason is that the methods are so powerful that people feel compelled to start a blog about them.

The Gospel of Changing Habits

Any action requires two kinds of effort in order to get done :<ul><li>An intrinsic effort that depends on the action. </li><li>An effort to decide whether or not to execute the action.</li></ul> Habits can modify the first, but the main reason they work is that they eliminate the second type of effort.Every time you read a book, you’re investing these two kinds of effort. First there’s the effort of reading. Depending on the difficulty of the book, this might require a lot of effort or zero effort. Imagine the difference between a quantum physics textbook and a Harry Potter book and you’ll see why.

Action Requires Two Kinds of Effort

Any action requires two kinds of effort in order to get done:<ul><li> An intrinsic effort that depends on the action </li><li>An effort to decide whether or not to execute the action. </li></ul>Habits can modify the first, but the main reason they work is that they eliminate the second type of effort.Every time you read the book, you’re investing these two kinds of effort. First there’s the effort of reading. Depending on the difficulty of the book, this might require a lot of effort or zero effort. Imagine the difference between a quantum physics textbook and a Harry Potter book and you’ll see why.

Habits appear to reduce these two costs in different ways:<ol><li>Habits can reduce the intrinsic cost by making you better at the task. As you read more difficult books, you get better at reading, so it doesn’t require as much energy.</li><li>Habits reduce the decision cost by eliminating the ambiguity of when and how to perform the behavior. If you read your fifty pages at lunch, every day, for three months, the next lunch break you’ll automatically start reading without having to decide whether to do it.</li></ol>For a lot of tasks, the second cost reduction is far greater than the first.

Cost Reduction

Habits, appear to reduce these two costs in different ways:<ol><li>Habits can reduce the intrinsic cost by making you better at the task. As you read more difficult books, you get better at reading, so it doesn’t require as much energy.</li><li>Habits reduce the decision cost by eliminating the ambiguity of when and how to perform the behavior. If you read your fifty pages at lunch, every day, for three months, the next lunch break you’ll automatically start reading without having to decide whether to do it.</li></ol>For a lot of tasks, the second cost reduction is far greater than the first.

<ul><li>Not all habits are equally easy to build . This makes sense because some have higher intrinsic effort required, which results in not only higher intrinsic cost but also higher decision costs.</li><li>You can’t establish an unlimited number of habits . This makes sense because even if you eliminate the decision effort, you still have to pay the intrinsic effort. </li><li>Most habits are only metastable . <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metastability">Metastability </a>is a concept in physics where a certain state of affairs is stable, but small perturbations can break that stability. </li></ul>

Habits are Metastable

This idea of metastability conforms to my experience as the reason why I’ve found few habits have had permanent lifespans. <ul><li>Inevitably, the habit breaks down because of a temporary lifestyle change: a vacation, an illness, needing to move or work overtime. </li><li>These create shocks which are often enough to break the behavior, increase the decision cost, making it no longer automatic when you return to the habit.</li></ul>

Why Habits Fade ? 

<ul><li>This metastability suggests that the most important positions to look at when setting a habit are during possible disruptions. If you temporarily have to break a habit, then re-establishing it as soon as the interruption is gone should be your top priority.</li></ul>Even better if you can avoid breaking the habit at all, creating a placeholder habit in its absence. That might mean reading five pages instead of fifty when you’re busy, or doing a home workout when you’re traveling instead of going to the gym.

How to Deal With Medium-Term Habits

We often struggle with keeping up our habits. This article explains why we struggle so :)

Harness that short-term motivation to generate long-term benefits.

Why Is It so Hard to Create Permanent Habits?

Find 100+ Tips for Time Management - Curated from inspiring sources like Books, Podcasts & Articles - Genuine Insights from like-minded Users like You!