David Deida defines a "superior man" not by dominance or wealth, but by living a life aligned with truth, depth, and purpose, especially in the context of love, intimacy, and masculine/feminine polarity. The book is spiritual, psychological, and erotic all at once—blending Eastern philosophy, modern psychology, and personal growth.

Core Philosophy

A man’s primary gift to the world—and to any relationship—is his purpose. Without it, he feels lost or weak.Highlights:Never put a relationship before your purpose.Your woman (or feminine energy) will test your integrity constantly—not to attack, but to call you into deeper strength.Don't expect life to "settle"—lean into challenge and change.

"A man’s edge is where he stops short or hesitates—this is where he needs to lean in."

To be fully present with a woman (or the feminine), a man must understand its emotional intensity and unpredictability—and stay grounded in love regardless.Highlights:The feminine is not meant to be understood logically—it's meant to be felt and embraced.A woman’s complaints are often a disguised cry for more presence.Don't try to "fix" her emotions. Feel her, breathe her, and remain open.

Part 2: Dealing With Women and Feminine Energy

"The feminine is pure energy: emotional, wild, unpredictable. The masculine is direction, presence, and freedom."

Your work is not just a career; it’s an expression of your depth. If you're not pursuing your true purpose, everything—including love—will feel off.Highlights:Don't wait until everything is secure to follow your calling.Face your fears of failure, instability, and being alone.Even temporary jobs should serve your deeper purpose or growth.

Part 3: Work and Purpose

"If you don't know your purpose, discover it. If you know it but aren't living it, step up."

Live as if every moment were your last. Love without holding back.Highlights:A superior man lets go of fear of rejection, failure, and death.He brings his full consciousness into every interaction—especially in love and sex.Sex becomes a spiritual practice: not for release, but for union and worship.

Part 4: Loving Fully and Dying Completely

Every moment is a choice between closing and opening. Choose to open.

Sex is not about release—it's about deepening love and consciousness.Highlights:Learn to transmute sexual energy (don’t always ejaculate).Use sex to dissolve boundaries between you and your partner.Master your breath and presence, so you lead the sexual experience with heart and awareness.

Part 5: The Yoga of Sexuality

"Breathe down her throat and draw her into your heart."

A superior man doesn’t suppress emotion—he feels deeply without being controlled by emotion.Highlights:Feel everything—but act only on truth.Your mood is your responsibility; don’t expect a partner to stabilize you.Freedom is your core—return to it again and again.

Part 6: Spiritual and Emotional Mastery

"A superior man practices being free, even when his body, emotions, or partner beg him to close."

Purpose First: Without purpose, nothing works. With purpose, love flows.Presence Over Performance: Be deeply present with those you love; they crave your full awareness more than results.Lead With Love: Even in dominance or assertiveness, lead with openness, not fear or ego.Stay Open: Life, love, and death are wild. Meet them with a heart wide open, not closed by fear.

Takeaways

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mindfulness

Mindfulness

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

books

Books

David Deida

The Way of the Superior Man

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.Give honest and sincere appreciation.Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Criticism only puts people on the defensive and often leads to resentment. People crave appreciation, not condemnation. Carnegie stresses the importance of understanding others rather than judging them.

Everyone wants to feel important. A genuine compliment or recognition can go a long way. Insincere flattery, however, is transparent and manipulative.

Show people how what you’re suggesting benefits them. Instead of focusing on your desires, frame everything in terms of what the other person wants and how they can get it.

Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile. Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest sound in any language. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You

Show authentic curiosity. Ask questions. Be excited about their passions and stories.

A simple smile can change the tone of a conversation. It’s a universal sign of friendliness.

Remembering and using people’s names builds rapport and shows respect.

People love to talk about themselves. Listen actively and make them feel heard.

Frame discussions around what matters to them. This builds connection and relevance.

Validate others. Make them feel seen and valued, not in a manipulative way but with genuine attention and empathy.

Avoid arguments.Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong.”If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.Begin in a friendly way.Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking (1)

Let the other person feel the idea is theirs. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. Appeal to nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas. Throw down a challenge.

Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking (2)

Even if you "win," you lose in terms of relationships. Persuasion is better than confrontation.

People resist change when they feel attacked. Agree where you can, and gently lead them to new conclusions.

Owning your mistakes disarms others and builds trust.

Kindness opens doors. Starting with warmth puts others in a receptive mindset.

Start with things you agree on to create momentum and harmony.

Let them express their ideas and take ownership of the conversation.

People are more invested in ideas they helped develop.

Updated for today’s readers, Dale Carnegie’s timeless bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic that has improved and transformed the professional and personal and lives of millions. One of the best-known motivational guides in history, Dale Carnegie’s groundbreaking book has sold tens of millions of copies, been translated into almost every known language, and has helped countless people succeed. Originally published during the depths of the Great Depression—and equally valuable during booming economies or hard times—Carnegie’s rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their professional and personal lives. How to Win Friends and Influence People teaches you: -How to communicate effectively -How to make people like you -How to increase your ability to get things done -How to get others to see your side -How to become a more effective leader -How to successfully navigate almost any social situation -And so much more! Achieve your maximum potential with this updated version of a classic—a must-read for the 21st century.

Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer, and the developer of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills.

The Way of the Superior Man

How To Win Friends and Influence People

Michael Kim