Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

... and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. 

The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

He just needed a little space.

Because they make up everything.

Throw him in the mainstream.

... “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

Because you should never drink and derive.

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Make me one with everything.

Between you and me, something smells.

An impasta.

Nice belt!

A labracadabrador.

Because the “P” is silent.

Aye matey.

The space bar.

He drank the coffee before it was cool.

He kept leaving little messages around the house.

She looked at me surprised.

1Forest1.

Because he lost his filling.

Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.

They don’t meet the koalafications.

In case she needed to draw blood.

You planet.

It needed help figuring out its problems.

Stop looking! I’m changing!

Because it has a million degrees!

Because they are easy to see through.