" The expression one wears on one's face is far more important than the clothes one wear on one's back "Action speaks louder than words..that's why dog make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of thier skins.Just SMILE ☺ TO OTHERS which says ," I like you. You make me happy. Iam glad to see you . "

1. A Simple Way To Make A Good First Impression 

You don't feel like smiling ? Then what ?Force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or song. " It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It what you think about it..."

Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not

Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn't have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing.But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love.

2. Do This YOU'LL Be Welcome Anywhere 

If we want to make friends, lets put ourselves out to do things for other people - things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness ." BECOME GENUINELY INTREESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE " When you are genuinely intrested in other. It make others to fall for you rather than trying to impress with your idea.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a 100 times more intrested in themselves & thier want & problem than they are in you and your problems." A boil on one's neck intrests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa " Encourage them to talk about themselves and thier accomplishment.So if you aspire to be good conversationalist, be anATTENTIVE LISTENER ...

3. Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist 

All leaders know, that the royal road to person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most ." Try to talk in terms of other person's interests "By talking this way it pays off for both parties...Read or gather information on subject in which he/she particularly intrested so .

4. How To Interest People

There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble.The Law is this : Always make the other person feel important.

5. How to Make People Like You Instantly 

The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely" Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hour "

We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else.Napoleon the 3rd , Emperor of France & nephew of great Napoleon, boasted that inspite of all his royal duties he could remember the name of every person he met.

6. Magic Contained In Name

<ol><li class="ql-align-justify">Become genuinely interested in other people.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Smile.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Be a good listener. Encourage other to talk about themselves.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Talk in terms of other person's interests.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Make other person feel important - do it sincerely.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language .</li></ol>

Six Principles 

Just give a try and leave a comment, it actually worked for me...

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

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Marketing & Sales

communication

Communication

6 ways to make people like you

Goal Gradient Effect: The closer users are to achieving a goal the more they strive to complete it and they faster they work at the goal.

Goal Gradient Effect

You can utilize this psychological effect by gamifying the experience, have a set goal that you want your users to accomplish and they show them how close they are to getting the goal.

How to Utilize it

A human psychological effect and how to utilize it in our designs or in any day life

The tendency to approach a goal increases with proximity to the goal.

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Problem Solving

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Time Management

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Leadership & Management

Goal-Gradient Effect | Laws of UX

The Frankfurt School had the luxury and misfortunate privilege of existing in unique times. During the Interwar Period (1918-1939) in the heart of rising Fascism an incredible group of academics and scholars found each other in Germany with a like-minded goal: to provide societal research and reach greater understanding. These are the goals of philosophy in a nutshell. Erich Fromm was part of this group.

What Was The Frankfurt School?

A little perspective is required to understand Fromm’s pursuit and interest in Love. Erich Fromm grew up and got a Ph.D. from the University of Heidelberg in Germany in 1922. He wrote his final dissertation, “On Jewish Law”, as a nod to his Jewish parents and roots.Those aware of history know that this time of the Interwar period is one of the single worst examples of persecution in recorded history. Erich Fromm dealt with this hatred over the next 20 years of his life, and his experiences are key to the fundamental premise of his work entitled The Art of Loving, published in 1956.

Erich Fromm - The Art Of Loving

Erich Fromm was forced to flee Germany during the Fascist takeover in the 1930s. He first went to Geneva, ultimately finding residency at Columbia University in New York.During this time Fromm began wondering about what was wrong with humanity.The fundamental problem of humanity, according to what Fromm learned from his colleagues at The Frankfurt School, is divisiveness. More importantly, as conscious and rational creatures we notice that we are fundamentally separate. As a result, we face a deep existential loneliness, which is behind many of humanities’ problems in contemporary times.

The Fundamental Separateness

This existential loneliness that affects humanity comes from our ability to judge and be aware of our own actions. Our search for a tribe or a group often finds us excluding those not in that tribe. Some of the time the tribe we want to belong to excludes us or perhaps we are within the tribe but do not feel the inclusion we thought we would find there.

The Search For A Tribe

Yet, Fromm noticed something unexpected while working on the problem facing humanity. Everybody was already searching for Love. People were obsessed with the idea. Books on Love were being taken off all the shelves in every book store. Singles clubs were rapidly becoming popular and romantic ads filled newspapers.So, what was wrong? Why were people not finding the Love necessary to combat this feeling of separateness? Like realizing that fire can not fight a fire, Fromm realized feelings could not stop feelings. Fromm concluded that Love had to be a type of practice.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

<h4>“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.”</h4>What Erich Fromm means by immature love is love generated from a point of narcissism. The most narcissistic facet of this type of love is a transactional relationship. This is exemplified by turning the loved one and relationship itself into a commodity.

Mature and Immature Love

Our contemporary understanding of love and how we find love falls into this category, as illustrated by our use of dating app sites that specifically limit the number of matches that you can have or profiles that you can see based on the level of income and other filters. Fromm would see this commodification as an institutionalization of Immature Love, a path that surely drives existential loneliness to new extremes.

The Commodification And Institutionalization Of Immature Love

The answers to these issues with love and loneliness are found in The Frankfurt School and Erich Fromm’s other major work, Escape from Freedom (1941). In this work, Fromm describes a problem we can still see in contemporary society: Individuation. This individualization that occurs leads society right back to that problem of love and separateness. Our existential loneliness leads us to make decisions that temporarily remove that existential loneliness. We strive to be free of loneliness, even if only for a while.

Erich Fromm - Escape From Freedom

Negative Freedom according to Erich Fromm is the “freedom from”. This type of freedom has been gradually increasing within society ever since the time of hunter-gatherer tribes, where humanity started. It represents the removal of things that can control us entirely: freedom from hunger, freedom from preventable diseases. These types of things that our society has given us are all negative freedoms.

Negative Freedom - Freedom *From*

Positive Freedom, on the other hand, is a sort of “freedom to”. For example, we have the opportunity to choose what things we pursue. If we have “freedom to” then we are not restricted to a life of needs; we are not limited to a caste we may be born into. We have a reasonable amount of goods to get us through life – food, water, shelter, and other basic things we need to possess. Having covered our basic needs, society now provides near endless opportunities to people in a society that has positive freedoms. Yet, we still have a problem.

Positive Freedom - Freedom *To*

Those who find this “freedom to” in front of them may have a negative response to opportunity. They may see all that opportunity and freedom and wish for a more rigid way of life, a life where choice is limited in advance instead of the weight of endless possibilities they can choose for themselves. Fromm believed that these people are sadomasochists.

Positive Freedom Has Opponents

Sadomasochists wish for there to be an order or hierarchy that limits the access to positive freedom; they are more comfortable when there is an order and ranks within society. In agreeing to this rank they submit themselves to hierarchy and restrictions in life. This is the masochist in them. The sadist in them is the part that uses their position in this hierarchy to control those beneath them with less “freedom to”.

Freedom From, Freedom To, And Sadomasochists

Here, it’s easy to see the correlation between the philosophy Erich Fromm developed and the life he lived in Germany. Seeing his country tear itself apart with authoritarian principles and people willfully submitting to and using the power of hierarchical society to feel less existential loneliness for themselves was jarring to all the scholars of The Frankfurt School.

Shying Away From Freedom, To Submission And Abuse

This submission to social hierarchy is easy to see in retrospect, but during the time Fromm was living in it was much harder. Erich Fromm put forward this idea of people shying away from freedom and leaning toward authoritarian principles in the late 1920s. The original argument by The Frankfurt School was that if 15% of the population were adamantly democratic and only 10% of the population was adamantly authoritarian, then the country would be fine, as there would be 75% of people in the center to lean in favor of democratic principles.

Seeing the Problem Ahead of Time

Erich Fromm argued that if the people in society that are part of the 75% – the neutral, majority party – had a fundamental misunderstanding of Love and Freedom, which they did, then the 75% would be more likely to fall into authoritarianism. This is because authoritarianism pushes you into a group or at least into a group role. Being part of a group always feels better than the loneliness you face when you’re alone, unless you are comfortable with loneliness.

Authoritarianism Pushes Us Into Tribes 

Erich Fromm believed that the solution to this behavior in society and to our existential loneliness that causes it is one the same thing: it is to Love effectively. Shockingly, Fromm’s idea for this solution started ironically: Love should begin with being comfortable with loneliness. Being comfortable with loneliness means being comfortable with yourself. This is a sign of personal strength according to the thinkers of the Frankfurt School.

The Solution: To Love Effectively

This comfort with loneliness and ourselves helps us see that everyone is struggling with the same things. Every race, sex, gender, and all peoples live in a society.Everyone within society struggles with loneliness and finding a place to fit in. Noticing this truth is the first step to real love.

To Love Effectively Is To Be Comfortable With Loneliness

When we have humility we can avoid the egoism that plagues most relationships, romantic or otherwise. We should avoid the commodification of both ourselves and the other person by seeing that they do not need to justify themselves and prove their worth to remove your loneliness. This is because your loneliness is part of you and their loneliness is part of them. This is the first, and most important, aspect of Love to Erich Fromm.

The First Aspect Of Love - Humility

The next two aspects of love that are required to change our understanding go hand in hand: they are courage and faith. Courage to Fromm is by far the most difficult of the aspects to achieve. Most likely you and all of us are part of the neutral group of society that simply does not wish to be affected by ideological principles of the extremes in society. If you then try to change your understanding of love and begin to see people for who they are you will begin to give out love selflessly to everyone that you meet.

The Next Two Aspects Of Love - Courage And Faith

No one needs to justify themselves to you and this creates an atmosphere of sincerity; and sincerity is love. More importantly, that is where the faith aspect comes in for Fromm. Anyone who gives out love to everyone they meet does not commodify their fellow members of society and trusts that this understanding will spread and benefit everyone who understands and partakes in it.The fourth aspect of Love is diligence and this is the aspect that keeps love going and changes the individual’s life as well as the society they live in.

Loving: Good Faith, Fair Dealing, Due Diligence

This understanding and practice though will inevitably face backlash. People will fight against it because it is scary. Our society, and the society that The Frankfurt School was a part of in the 1930s, have institutionalized the commodification of the people within themselves. Fighting against that institutionalization requires the courage to continue even when you face extreme hatred, as Erich Fromm did when he was labeled a political dissident and forced to flee his nation.

The Persecution Of Bona Fides Love

Many of the descriptions used by Fromm have parallels to our society today. We are feeling more and more lonely in a world that is more and more interconnected. We are seeing into each other’s lives in ways that are inherently commodified. We subscribe to a “grind” mindset that tells us things are either assets or liabilities, defining everyone around us by what they can provide to us and how we can use them. This mindset creates a hierarchical system of values that we apply to people and results in larger and larger groups of people that suffer from existential loneliness.

Erich Fromm: Love in Our Modern Age - Assets And Liabilities

Getting away from this mindset by treating Love not as a feeling and commodity but as an art is the key. Pursuing an art requires courage to continue, humility to understand that you are just beginning in this practice and faith that if you practice with diligence you will become a master of the craft. Becoming a master in the craft of Love will make being in love all the more worth it.

Love As Art - Something To Pursue, To Practice, To Master

Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?

Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one “object” of love. If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to the rest of his fellow men, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism. Yet, most people believe that love is constituted by the object, not by the faculty.

Nationalism is our form of incest, is our idolatry, is our insanity. 'Patriotism' is its cult...Just as love for one individual which excludes the love for others is not love, love for one's country which is not part of one's love for humanity is not love, but idolatrous worship.

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

One of the main scholars of the Frankfurt School was Erich Fromm, an intellectual who, faced with hatred and being labeled a political dissident, chose to study the opposite of what he saw as the main problem facing all of humanity: hate, segregation, and divisiveness. He chose to study Love. 

Erich Fromm was a scholar who fled Germany during the Fascist takeover. This experience gave him a whole new perspective on love.

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Mental Health

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Love & Relationships

The Frankfurt School: Erich Fromm’s Perspective on Love

<ol><li>You’ve made or kept a character commitment.</li><li>You’re slightly embarrassed at your past.</li><li>You question your sacred beliefs.</li><li>You’re a net-positive in your relationships.</li><li>You take responsibility for most of your mistakes.</li><li>You explore your curiosities.</li><li>You’ve given up on conditional happiness.</li></ol>

Seven qualities that define an extraordinary life

If you’ve pledged to do something you love or something that produces some good in the world, and you’ve kept at, no matter the outward success, you deserve a trophy.

1. You’ve made or kept a character commitment.

If you’re prouder of your past than your present, then you haven’t recognized your mistakes, you haven’t gotten better at what you do, you haven’t grown as an individual.If you look back on the old you and cringe at your immaturity, assholery, or undeserved arrogance, then congratulate yourself. You’ve grown up, matured, and bettered yourself. Some people never do.

2. You’re slightly embarrassed at your past.

You probably know family and friends who cling to outdated views long since proven untrue, yet they lack the maturity and courage to admit they’re wrong. An extraordinary person sees these situations as opportunities to grow. They accept that some of what they believe today will be superseded by what they learn tomorrow.People who admit they’re wrong and give up ideas that fail the truth test show they possess open-mindedness and humility. If you’re one of those people, you’re part of the elite minority.

3. You question your sacred beliefs.

Some folks act as a drag on others, sapping people of energy, and infecting them with toxic negativity.Most of us aspire to inject joy into our interactions and leave people in a better state than when they first encountered us.We may even have a few bad days. That comes with the territory of being human; But if you can make others feel joy, inspired, or grateful some of the time while remaining neutral the rest of the time, you’re a net-positive. That makes you an asset to the world.

4. You’re a net-positive in your relationships.

Nobody escapes life always saying the right words, taking the right actions, and thinking the kindest thoughts. That’s why we admire people who own up to their mistakes and do their best to clean up whatever mess lingers in their wake.There have been times where we’ve screwed up and denied it, deflected blame. As we’ve matured, we’ve become more attuned to the impact our mistakes have on others and ourselves. But it’s the act of taking responsibility that made us better persons.There’s no shame in screwing up; it’s how you respond to mistakes that define you.

5. You take responsibility for most of your mistakes.

Curiosity is the gap between what you know and what you want to know. Taking action to close that gap will fulfill you in a way that external reward never will.All of us harbor curiosities that yearn for exploration. Time will work in our favor.If you’ve dedicated a portion of your life to explore your curiosities, please congratulate yourself on a life well-lived.

6. You explore your curiosities.

Perhaps it’s culture, human nature, or a combination of both. There’s an idea that to achieve happiness, you must meet specific outcomes in life.I’ll be happy only when my income reaches $250,000 or I’ll be happy only when I get promoted to Vice President.The notion of conditional happiness is the shortest path to misery. But to believe it and live it, you need to experience the disappointment that stems from valuing your worth based on life outcomes. There’s a good chance you’ve lived up to some or all of these ideals. And if you haven’t? Don’t fret. You still have time.

7. You’ve given up on conditional happiness.

An extraordinary life has nothing to do with your job title, bank account, or how much fame you achieve.

A former mentor of mine once diagnosed why I felt so disgusted with my life. At the time, my net worth hovered close to zero, but he claimed that money had little to do with my self-loathing. It made…

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Motivation & Inspiration

habits

Habits

7 Overlooked Signs You’re Living an Extraordinary Life

You are only as free as you think you are and freedom will always be as real as you believe it to be.

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.

I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.

We all can benefit from spending time to think. These powerful deep quotes will make you think and inspire you to look at life differently.

Deep Quotes & Powerful Sayings that Make You Think & See Life Different

The psychological toll of the pandemic has challenged workers and managers in a variety of ways.
As we head into the third year of the pandemic, a new issue has sprung up: “splitting,” a mental defence mechanism that allows us to tolerate difficult and even unbearable emotions by seeing someone or something as either heroes or villains, good or bad, “with us” or “against us.” This can result in tension and conflict.
Leaders need to focus on three areas: identifying splitting triggers in themselves, spotting splitting behaviour on their teams, and focusing on reuniting and reintegrating relationships.

Crisis Turns Into Conflict: Key Takeaways

Splitting is a <a href="https://tavistockandportman.nhs.uk/about-us/news/stories/early-response-covid-19-psychoanalytic-and-trauma-perspective/">mental defence mechanism</a> that allows us to tolerate difficult and even unbearable emotions by resorting to black-or-white thinking. We identify others as either heroes or villains, good or bad, “with us” or “against us.” This frees us from the burden of having to face our own shortcomings and missteps while allowing us to cast our opponents as purely and fully bad, instead of looking for nuance and common ground.

The Split

The Big Split is a multi-layered mental conflict. Behind it lies a complex psychological cocktail: delayed gratification, feelings of injustice, and a race to fill the emotional vacuum created by years of living with restrictions.For leaders, the point is to recognize that this phase is not a collective sigh of relief and a joyous reunion, but rather one filled with conflict and confrontation

Understanding the Big Split

<ul><li>In March 2020, when the pandemic emergency became clear, many of us felt an energy rush.</li><li>Leaders became the best version of themselves.</li><li>Then, a regression phase hit: people got tired, lost their sense of purpose, started fighting about the small stuff, and started to neglect their relationships.</li><li>Next came the recovery phase, where we started to move out of the lull.</li><li>This phase was filled with lots of new ideas, and we saw friends, family, and colleagues embracing the new future.</li><li>However, the slow recovery tested our resilience.</li></ul>

When The Pandemic Hit

Realizing when you are falling prey to splitting, whether a little or a lot and taking note of what triggers you to react in out-of-character ways is a good first step.A few instances of "bad behaviour" is not the same as deeming someone a "bad agent." The key is to reject absolutes and categorical thinking.

Understand and Monitor Your Own Triggers

Call out splitting behaviour as soon as you notice it playing out.In order to resolve differences of opinion, instead of letting them fester, leaders can scale up the frequency of team meetings but shorten their duration drastically.

Spot Splitting Behavior in Your Teams and Intervene

<ul><li>Leaders must emphasize that it isn’t shameful to experience splitting and that it’s okay to direct time and resources to resolve the fundamental conflicts.</li><li>To offer perspective, leaders should fully understand colleagues, employees, and peers by letting them talk about the turmoil they’re going through, and then search for long-term and constructive ways to move forward</li><li>Building mutual support, remember that a strong emotional connection between teammates, teams, and stakeholders last a long time.</li></ul>

Aim to Reunite and Reintegrate Your Relationships

We’re in a new psychological phase of the pandemic, which is manifesting in increased confrontation on many teams.

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Remote Work

business

Business

When Crisis Management Becomes Conflict Management

"Life is short. The less time we waste on the weather, the better."

Rather than the usual ‘what do you do for a living' or ‘where do you live’ consider a few of the following questions:<ul><li>In your professional life, what do you think is the most exciting thing?</li><li>In your personal life, what is exciting you the most at the moment?</li><li>If money wasn’t an issue, would you be doing something different?</li><li>In five years from now, what would you ideally like to be doing?</li><li>Do you have a favorite charity organization? Why do you choose them?</li><li>Who is a role model to you and why?</li><li>Who in your life has been significantly influential to you?</li></ul>

When meeting a new person

<ul><li>A large part of understanding people is not to talk but indeed the exact opposite, to shut up and listen. </li><li>You have to resist the urge to talk and you have to continue to bring the conversation back to the other person. You have to learn to genuinely listen and show active consideration and care for what the other person is saying. </li><li>Defined as active listening, it’s the act of trying to understand their position and not fixate on your own. Listening to people makes them feel valued, respected, inspired, and eager to solve problems. </li></ul>

Listening to people

<ul><li>Validation is a powerful way to diffuse anger and frustration. </li><li>Validation is taking mirroring to another level. The idea is to repeat what the other person is saying, but also to suggest some understanding of how they are feeling. One caveat to be aware of is the danger of not interpreting feelings correctly. Get it wrong and it can have a devastating effect.</li><li>﻿Validation is not necessarily agreeing, it is understanding where the other person is coming from and genuinely caring. Even if there is a disagreement, validation allows an avenue for a better resolution rather than becoming defensive.</li></ul>

Validation

”Remember that people care more about themselves than they care about you. People want to talk about themselves. Listening and letting people talk is key to winning them over in life, in business, and in all human relationships.”

There’s a simple key to networking that nobody talks about. Standing out from the crowd, you want to be noticed. In a room full of people trying to get noticed, you need a point of difference.Wear an attention-grabbing piece of clothing, something that stands out and is potentially a conversation started. Consider bright clothing or shoes, a statement scarf or tie. Something that people will notice and be encouraged to chat with you about.

Standing out from the crowd

If you really want to be influential, you want to encourage people to come up with your idea ‘all on their own’:<ul><li>Don’t use the phrase ‘I have an idea’. Subtly push the other person in the direction of your idea and the results. Don’t be explicit.</li><li>You could try explaining the opposite of what you are after. Identify the issues of this option and hopefully, the other person will find your idea as the solution.</li><li>If the other person mentions your idea, whether close to or exact, embrace it and encourage them.</li><li>You can suggest alterations to their idea when it’s not quite what you wanted. </li></ul>

Influencing people

<ul><li>If you are a manager, identify a few people that report directly to you. (If you aren’t a manager identify a few people that you influence in one way or another).</li><li>Remember a few of your favorite school teachers. How was their teaching beneficial to you and how did they affect your performance?</li><li>Reflect on your notes and try to establish a few ways that you can be a better manager/influencer by taking on some of your favorite teachers' qualities.</li></ul>

Improve your teaching ability

”These days, anyone can be a leader, whether the group you’re leading is your company, your team, your department, or your family. You can be a leader even if you have no official leadership role and are simply setting a good example for the people around you. And you can develop many leaders on your team as well.”

The key is that you need to put all people at ease, it’s not about finding a winner but finding a resolution that works for both sides. Conflict usually appears when someone is struggling to feel heard or be helped. It’s important to understand both sides and let each side state their case.Your instinct may be to try to wrap the conflict up as soon as possible. But the reality is that this won’t work. Both sides need to feel like they have been heard before they will calm down and collect themselves.

Managing conflict

”Remember, it's not all about you. Whether you’re speaking to an audience of three thousand, three hundred, thirty, or three, if your hope is to inspire them, your material and delivery have to be about them and how they can grow, not about you.”

When providing feedback, ensure that your criticism is always constructive and consider the following points:<ul><li>Don’t deliver a critique in front of other people. Don’t try to shame someone.</li><li>Have a one-on-one discussion.</li><li>Rather than just identifying issues, suggest positive solutions.</li><li>Don’t dwell on the negative.</li></ul>

Constructive criticism

People don’t like being sold to. Instead, focus on storytelling. Storytelling allows you to share about yourself and it allows people to connect with you at an emotional level.It’s not a technique, it’s more authentic.

To change people’s minds, avoid the sales pitch

What does it take to win success and influence? Some people think that in today’s hyper-competitive world, it’s the tough, take-no-prisoners type who comes out on top. But in reality, argues New York Times bestselling author Dave Kerpen, it’s actually those with the best people skills who win the day. Those who build the right relationships. Those who truly understand and connect with their colleagues, their customers, their partners. Those who can teach, lead, and inspire. In a world where we are constantly connected, and social media has become the primary way we communicate, the key to getting ahead is being the person others like, respect, and trust. Because no matter who you are or what profession you're in, success is contingent less on what you can do for yourself, but on what other people are willing to do for you. Here, through 53 bite-sized, easy-to-execute, and often counterintuitive tips, you’ll learn to master the 11 People Skills that will get you more of what you want at work, at home, and in life. For example, you’ll learn: · The single most important question you can ever ask to win attention in a meeting · The one simple key to networking that nobody talks about · How to remain top of mind for thousands of people, everyday · Why it usually pays to be the one to give the bad news · How to blow off the right people · And why, when in doubt, buy him a Bonsai A book best described as “How to Win Friends and Influence People for today’s world,” The Art of People shows how to charm and win over anyone to be more successful at work and outside of it.

books

Books

What does it take to win success and influence? Some people think that in today’s hyper-competitive world, it’s the tough, take-no-prisoners type who comes out on top. But in reality, argues New York Times bestselling author Dave Kerpen, it’s actually those with the best people skills who win the day. Those who build the right relationships. Those who truly understand and connect with their colleagues, their customers, their partners. Those who can teach, lead, and inspire.   In a world where we are constantly connected, and social media has become the primary way we communicate, the key to getting ahead is being the person others like, respect, and trust. Because no matter who you are or what profession you're in, success is contingent less on what you can do for yourself, but on what other people are willing to do for you. Here, through 53 bite-sized, easy-to-execute, and often counterintuitive tips, you’ll learn to master the 11 People Skills that will get you more of what you want at work, at home, and in life. For example, you’ll learn:   ·  The single most important question you can ever ask to win attention in a meeting ·  The one simple key to networking that nobody talks about ·  How to remain top of mind for thousands of people, everyday ·  Why it usually pays to be the one to give the bad news ·  How to blow off the right people ·  And why, when in doubt, buy him a Bonsai   A book best described as “How to Win Friends and Influence People for today’s world,” The Art of People shows how to charm and win over anyone to be more successful at work and outside of it.

Dave Kerpen

The Art of People

“These, then, are the ten rules of effective communication, all summarized in single words: simplicity, brevity, credibility, consistency, novelty, sound, aspiration, visualization, questing, and context.”

“Remember, everything you need to say should be up front. All that you want to say can come later.”

You can have the best message in the world, but the person on the receiving end will always understand it through the filter of their own emotions, preconceptions, prejudices, and preexisting beliefs.

It’s not what you say, it’s what people hear

<ul><li>Simplicity: Use small words</li><li>Brevity: Use short sentences</li><li>Credibility: Be credible in every word or statement you make</li><li>Consistency:  Iterate the same message, over and over</li><li>Novelty: breed excitement</li><li>Sound: the texture of your words matters</li><li>Aspirational: people forget what you say but not how you made them feel</li><li>Imagery: Visualize, the word “imagine” is an incredibly powerful tool</li><li>Question: Question everything, ask questions and provide the solution</li><li>Context:give background to why you’re here and why people should bother to listen to you – give relevance to the situation.</li></ul>

10 rules for successful communication

<ul><li>Never use a metaphor, simile, or another figure of speech that you are used to seeing in print.</li><li>Never use a long word where a short one will do.</li><li>If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.</li><li>Never use the passive where you can use the active.</li><li>Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.</li><li>Don’t assume that people know what you do, or are even aware of you.</li></ul>

Some “Don’ts” in communication

The single most-read portion after the opening paragraph is the postscript. The reason is easy to understand: <ul><li>The average reader looks to the P.S. to determine whether or not it is in fact a personal letter, and whether that letter has any relevance to his or her life. </li><li>If it isn’t, and if it doesn’t, the average person won’t read anything else. </li></ul>Make the postscript as human and emotional as possible.

The effectiveness of the postscript

Words have different meanings to different people. For example, “welfare” and “assistance to the poor” essentially mean the same thing. However, if you ask the citizens whether or not we are spending too much on welfare (23%) or assistance for the poor (68%), it’s clear that these two terms hold differing connotations. So while “welfare” brings up images of “welfare queens” and wasteful government spending, “assistance to the poor” reminds people of charity and Christian compassion.

Similar words can prompt different reactions among different people 

Effective communication isn’t about the objective meaning of your words, but rather how people understand them. It’s essential to consider their preconceptions, especially their beliefs and fears. One example is George Orwell who knew this well and used it in his book 1984. He wrote a passage that described Room 101 as a place where one confronts her greatest fears. Since everyone has different personal nightmares, Room 101 became associated with each reader’s individual nightmare.

Effective communication is about considering your audience

“Words that work, whether fiction or reality, not only explain but also motivate. They cause you to think as well as act. They trigger emotion as well as understanding.”

<ul><li>Consequences: What will personalize, and what will dramatize the result of your actions?</li><li>Impact: How can you utilize this word to make your listeners feel as if there will be a measurable difference?</li><li>Diplomacy and Dialogue: Use them to ease tension, to establish a sense of normalcy or goodwill.</li><li>Reliability: There are many people who believe that the reliability of something is more important than any other factor.</li><li>Mission: Your listener wants to know the how, what and why. </li><li>Commitment: What kind of personal mission are you going to undertake? Use commitment in the terms of personal commitment.</li></ul>

Important words

The nation's premier communications expert shares his wisdom on how the words we choose can change the course of business, of politics, and of life in this country In Words That Work, Luntz offers a behind-the-scenes look at how the tactical use of words and phrases affects what we buy, who we vote for, and even what we believe in. With chapters like "The Ten Rules of Successful Communication" and "The 21 Words and Phrases for the 21st Century," he examines how choosing the right words is essential. Nobody is in a better position to explain than Frank Luntz: He has used his knowledge of words to help more than two dozen Fortune 500 companies grow. Hell tell us why Rupert Murdoch's six-billion-dollar decision to buy DirectTV was smart because satellite was more cutting edge than "digital cable," and why pharmaceutical companies transitioned their message from "treatment" to "prevention" and "wellness." If you ever wanted to learn how to talk your way out of a traffic ticket or talk your way into a raise, this book's for you.

The nation's premier communications expert shares his wisdom on how the words we choose can change the course of business, of politics, and of life in this country In Words That Work, Luntz offers a behind-the-scenes look at how the tactical use of words and phrases affects what we buy, who we vote for, and even what we believe in. With chapters like "The Ten Rules of Successful Communication" and "The 21 Words and Phrases for the 21st Century," he examines how choosing the right words is essential. Nobody is in a better position to explain than Frank Luntz: He has used his knowledge of words to help more than two dozen Fortune 500 companies grow. Hell tell us why Rupert Murdoch's six-billion-dollar decision to buy DirectTV was smart because satellite was more cutting edge than "digital cable," and why pharmaceutical companies transitioned their message from "treatment" to "prevention" and "wellness." If you ever wanted to learn how to talk your way out of a traffic ticket or talk your way into a raise, this book's for you.

Dr. Frank Luntz

Words That Work

Complexity is the single major difficulty in the successful develop­ment of large-scale software systems.

Complexity is the major difficulty

Some estimates software problems cost the Amer­ican economy $59 billion annually.

Software problems cost a lot

Dealing with complexity of software systems could be daunting. But there are some ways to tackle it.

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Out of the Tar Pit

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Deep Quotes & Powerful Sayings that Make You Think & See Life Different

When Crisis Management Becomes Conflict Management

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Out of the Tar Pit

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It's time to Read like a Pro.

It's time to
Read like a Pro.